Brother Ali - Years (Highest Quality)

October 9, 2011

Pain? Like Murs I got plenty
moving away to this god foresaken city
sad part- I made it this way
for wishin in an impossible day
that will never come
was suppose to energize me like the sun
In my 30's still thinking dumb
like if I changed this, changed that
stopped this doubled my greenbacks
no more put downs no more text silence
just realizations of my awesomeness
but as it always goes
doing for others brings nothin but sorrows
trip to bars and in turn waking next to strange women
upset it wasnt her
grab your clothes and tip toe through the door
staring at a desert landscape full of vultures
the fear of guns makes them feel welcome
well the lesson be learned?
honestly dont know
result of abusing the engine ignoring the brakes
emotions just a turnstile of mistake after mistake
truth is I'm just stubborn
full of false memories dreams never reached
gotta lotta walls that were never breached
reason why I'm hesitant
to move on to the next
sticking with late night recon maneuvers
so when the morning comes
I'm still thinking of the one
years later maybe in my fortie's
self realization #42 I am fuckin worthy.

Tonedeff - Loyal

My awesomeness does not need a PR man. 

Whenever I'm out and about with friends and I get introduced to their friends, I cringe whenever my friend, the person I know in this setting, starts telling a story about me and a drunken outing we've had. Not because I'm embarrassed of what transpired, but mostly because usually the guy trying to be my PR man is a shitty story teller and the hilarity of our past antics is lost as they try to stumble through the story. Most of the stories of our drunken outings are of the "you had to be there" variety anyways-retelling the story to someone who is currently sober and wasn't there normally leads to an awkward silence as they try to pretend the story was entertaining... I'm usually just sitting there silently wondering why in sweet baby jesus' name they thought they needed to bring the tale up. I never add to the story unless they completely fuck it up, then I have to step in and look like a douche as I'm trying to correct a story about me that is supposed to make me sound cool or whatever. I don't know if this is done in an attempt to kick start another 
" I am god" moment, 
another 
" why don't you take your little salad and your little pieces of chicken and go fuck yourself!" quote or
" a why am I always running away from the drugs" video moment...

I still can't believe the guy who told the tale about me going to detox to a group of strangers (mostly females) thinking that was something awesome.  I mean the story came out not more than 5 minutes after he had just introduced me to his group. You actually haven't heard this one? Once after a charger victory and after drinking a couple bottles of tequila, I got lost on my way back to Nick's and insulted a police officer by mistaking him for the guy that shot Steve Foley, then a Chargers Linebacker. But anyways, that is so 2006... 

I was just visiting Los Angeles and ran into this guy and his group of friends at a Santa Monica Bar. I didn't even know he had moved up to LA. And there he goes talking up some time when me and him went out and I ended up in detox. I was like;

"Really guy? that's how you introduce me to your friends, some of who are hot?"

The worst part, Like I fear, is that he told it terribly- made me sound like I just go out and insult officers of the law on a nightly basis (normally I only insult other bar patrons/party goers, ha!), he didn't mention the bottles of tequila, the all day drinking affair and he actually told them I had been hauled off to JAIL! I had to step in and tell them it was only detox, but at that point, it's like trying to save some respect by saying you were jerking off with you're right instead of your left hand when someone tells the story of that time you got caught jacking off in the bathroom at work (or playing DJ with your right instead of your left if you're a girl).

I know this just doesn't happen to me- I'm sure you all have the same thing happen to you all the time as well- when you get introduced to some new folk with some anecdote that is meant to show how hilarious/awesome/cool you are, but instead has you look like a not so funny, lonely, alcoholic that needs help. I mean it does happen to you guys too, right?

Anyways, unless its an epic " I was supposed to get married today but caught my fiance cheating on me so I should get drinks for free story," lets just refrain from attempting to glorify our drunken outings. this is what this blog is for.

ToneDeff- Loyal.