stories that survived drunken blackouts, constant pleas to realize the greatness of the music I listen to, child raising tales, and other things that might get me fired.
So I'm driving thru my new hood
tryin to find what the landlord said was so good
but so far its all despair
choosin my colors carefully cuz I don't dare
wear the wrong ones
looking for all the supposed fun
there's Tryone- homeless who you don't wanna call
cuz he uses my stairwell as a bathroom stall
there's Kaye on the corner flowers isn't all she's sellin
there's Linda on the other beggin everyone for some chicken
schools where kids have to wear uniforms
lost college kids lookin for a way back to their dorms
its dirty, trashy buildings that graffiti has ravished
in Los Angeles but everything's in spanish
Sundays the only day its quiet and I can hang on my porch
and thats only for a few hours while the hood's at church...
Nah this aint melrose place
its more for those with an urban taste
no AC bring a fan cuz summers be scorchin'
buy your own raid you brought them cockaroaches
I picked the wallpaper so don't you be scrapin'
or you'll be paying for the repaintin'
bring some febreze cuz the bathroom got no ventilation
what you smokin' askin' about free WiFi
had me laugh so hard you made me cry
the carpet needs steaming thats no doubt
but that chalk outline is what got you the discount
no pool no gym workout with the neighbor's tree
good luck with the cable or direct TV
and don't you be late with the rent
or you'll be on skidrow stayin' in a tent
all I'm sayin' is be glad you can afford this apartment...
Slightly influenced by Ice Cube's death certificate...
The Landlord side- The mostly low down money grubbing not caring if they end up throwing you out in the street with your kids, robbing you of your deposit even though you cleaned and patched up the walls, never fixing anything that broke down in your apartment, scoundrels... (of course my present landlord excluded)
Intro- The Deposit
you better have good credit
or you might as well forget it
tear your application without hesitation
at the first mention of your section 8 requestin
this aint the projects I'm rentin'
soil my carpet paint my walls and I'll be ventin'
miss one month and I'll say peace
toss your shit out- oh was that expensive piece?
don't care if you on government cheese
so no excuses please
no I aint waiving them application fees
what you want the first month free?
or maybe for just a dollar?
hell no this aint no damn storage locker
and when you bounce take your trash kid
or your deposit I'll be taxin'...
"Its a new year, a new beginning
maybe now I'll stop writing songs for women
ha ha who am I kiddin..."
Aah the super bowl festivities had me out by 10 last night. It was also partly due to my 14 mile hike on Saturday followed by another basketball game in east Los Angeles. It had been a while since I had exclusively played center- had to jump ball and everything (I won it of course). The team is made up of all Mexicans and one white guy. It was fun to win for once- we won by like 8 points and I actually got to play the whole game. Did what they asked me to do which was to rebound and play some defense- they apparently arent hip to my tendency to play terrible d...
For some reason though since I have moved into this room, I wake up during the middle of the night a lot and I have a really hard time going back to sleep. It happened again last night. I woke up at 130 am and couldn't go back to sleep- the rest of the night. I would have been more upset but at around 6 in the morning I heard the bathroom light/fan turn on and proceeded to hear D puke for a good 10 minutes. Other than that, this unable to go back to sleep thing sucks. Don't know if its the mattress, the ghost of the room, or whatever- I have told D since I have been up here the only time I get a full night's rest is when I drink- not making an excuse for me to drink but its the truth. So it was weird that last night after drinking during the majority of the day I didn't sleep through the night. So instead I wrote for a bit, went online for a bit, looked at some insurance courses, read up on some gym workout shit, and read some messages I got on the dating site I'm on. I'm debating responding to this one girl whose profile pic is of the back of her head where she had the word "cunt" shaved into it. haha wanna see how crazy this one really is. I try to refrain from responding to messages at this hour since girls may think I'm on crack or blowing through snow white like I was Charlie Sheen- who by the way impressed me beyond belief with his abilities. I was influenced by a certain someone who has had many an adventure with the online dating thing and figured what the hell- I'm in LA so this might at least be interesting... The workout stuff I read made me decide I needed to take a break from the gym today even after the gluttonous superbowl party. Thats also the thing about this waking up in the middle of the night- its not early enough in the night that people are still awake to hang with and the same time its not early enough in the morning where I just want to stay awake and go to the gym. You got that? Good. So I instead end up listening to music and being online until I try to force myself to go back to sleep which never works.
A quick little drunken tale that involves football in honor of the Superbowl. Back in 2006 right after I had started at the AG, Danny, Nick, and I went over to Nick's buddy's house to watch the chargers play the titans. The Chargers pounded the Titans that day and so in celebration, at half time Nick goes and buys two bottles of Tequila. Have I mentioned Tequila and me don't get along? Put it this way- if you ever see me doing a shot of tequila, I must have had a bad day and you should probably stay away or risk getting ridiculed and/ or fondled. haha. Anyways those bottles of tequila were gone before the end of the game. The last thing I remember is leaving Nick's friend's house. Turns out Danny wandered off to some gas station to be picked up by Joel, Nick went back to his apartment to sleep it off. Even Nick's buddy said once he found out where I ended up that he thought I was the most sober out of us three and was the only one acting normal... Where did I end up? Put it this way, this was the same season when Steve Foley was shot on his way home. I have flashes of memory and audio one of which is yelling at the officers they better not do me like they did Steve Foley. The next memory I have is a prison guard in detox asking me if I knew why I was in detox. My response? Because I'm a freakin Idiot. Another moment I remember is The nurse checking my blood sugar since somehow I got it out to them that I was a diabetic. Haha they must have been scratching their heads as to why I was alive the way I drink. Anyways I tell this story tonight because even though I got completely trashed, ended up in detox, and didn't really have a nice spot to sleep in (although I did get to enjoy my own cell compliments of my medical condition), I still made it to work on Monday. I was out of detox by 6 called up Nick drove me to my Tahoe (yeah I rocked an SUV once) and got to work on time. Some people need to learn how to suck it up when it comes to work...
Miss by a Mile a group effort from Aesop Rock, Slug, Eyedea.
