DON'T LEAVE

My kids flew back to CA this morning. Had a blast with them the last couple weeks- not that we did much- just hanging out with them even its only just watching TV or playing PS3, is a nice reminder of who I am completely. Yes, I am part drunkard who wanders and fills this blog with hopefully entertaining drinking stories, but I'm also a father to two of the greatest kids. They are growing at just the right pace for me. They are now in the stage where they battle for who gets to ride shotgun. I know you guys with siblings can relate, haha. Danny pretty much is growing the typical mexican mustache-which i might just teach him how to shave next time. Sofia, I believe is entering a growth spurt since she almost ate me into bankruptcy. The girl was eating non stop through out her stay. For easter sunday (big ups to the Jesus for being able to comeback from the dead), we headed up to Montezuma's castle and well to do some light hiking and sight seeing. The castle is pretty cool but there aint much else there. We also headed to Prescott and ate at the Palace. It's claim to fame is that Wyatt Earp and Fam, including Doc Holliday, played cards there. Steve McQueen flick was filmed there too. The steak was good, but Danny (can't call him Lil D anymore) wasnt a fan of the ribs or the pork loin. Anyways, I spent most of the time just being me with them, cooking (so much more enjoyable when youre cooking for the fam), watching movies- They had their Big Lebowski cherries popped, and taking them out and about Phoenix. Good times...

Baseball season is back! which means the yearly Padres winning the World Series prediction, my Fantasy Baseball championship team repeating as champs, and day drinking watching games... So in honor of America's past time;

 My dad hardly came home from work early, but I still remember this one time back when I was a wee little lad, he not only came home early but also picked me up from school. When we got to home, he switched into some tennis shoes. Now throughout this man's life, it was pretty much work boots or flip flops when he was home, so I was curious as to what was going on...

" why are you putting on your tennis shoes?"
" Because we're leaving. We're going somewhere."
" where?"
at this point who looks up at me and in his most serious face states;

" We're going to Dodger stadium. The Dodgers want me to try out for their team."
Now I had never seen the man so much as pick up a bat in my life, but being all of about 5, and being already confused over the tennis shoes completely fell for it;

"REALLY! YAY! YOU'RE GONNA PLAY WITH STEVE SAX!?" (no really just imagine me as like a 4-5 yr old)

" And Pedro Guerrero..."- he added. Yeah, this was way back.
I immediately head to my room to go get my glove and hat, thinking I was gonna grace the field at Dodger stadium, feel the sun hit me in the face as I watched pops try out and make the team- well cuz he was my dad so he was obviously gonna be the best player there.

I ask, "What position are you gonna play?"

" I'm gonna pitch for them, Fernando is hurt so they want me to pitch for him. You ready? Lets go."

So we hop into his truck and off we go. We're heading down Market st- I think I know by this time that Dodger Stadium is in Los Angeles, so I'm expecting to get on the freeway any minute. I'm peppering him with questions about how long its gonna take to get there, if we'll be able to hang out with the players, if we are gonna be rich now that he is gonna be a dodger... He was just answering away bullshitting each and every way possible he could...

" very rich... yeah I'll get you a uniform... He'll sign your glove... They are gonna take us to disneyland after..."

We ended up at a tire shop- the truck just needed new tires. He told me after we stopped we just needed tires before we got to Dodger stadium. So I just patiently waited- dreaming of all the free hotdogs and soda I would be able to have as a son of a major leaguer... After about an hour, we hop back in the truck, and started heading... Home.

" I thought we were going to Dodger Stadium?"
" Um, yeah the Dodgers called me at the tire shop. I'm gonna go tomorrow."
" Huh? why not today? lets go today!"

At this point he just starts laughing. hot dog dreams dashed.

Fuckin asshole. Hahaha

In case you were wondering where my great story weaving when I'm drunk comes from and why I hate the Dodgers so much.

Don't leave-Cunninlynguists, because I didnt want them to.

The Hiatus Remix

I'll go ahead and skip the whole I know I havent blogged in a while and excuses spiel and get righ into this one;

I attended a wedding reception last night. Yes I showed up late, but honestly who has a wedding reception the same day the mighty (actually not so mighty) aztecs have a semi-final game? Who does that? haha. Anyways, it was the first of about 17,000 I'll be attending this year- This is apparently the year of the wedding. The Jazz loving cousin is getting married in June- I'll be sure to attend in my Vlade shirt to rub in the fact they wont be in the playoffs while the Lakers will skimp on in. Then its Wes', then its, aah shit I already forgot who all else-fuck it maybe I'll get married again just to hop on the wedding band wagon. I'm pretty sure there are so many weddings this year because the grooms to be were betting on the world ending in 2012, but the Mayans failed them and now they have to go through with it- I kid, I kid. congrats to you all...

My dad was an intelligent man- yes he was smart as fuck like me too- but the one ridiculous thing he told me once was how he didnt believe in dinosaurs. We were sitting in the living room a few years ago on the rare weekends we actually just sat around the house and did nothing but watch TV, and we were watching NATGEO or PBS (how else do you think we got smart as fuck? by watching bullshit reality TV?) and it a special on Pompeii and Mount Vesuvius- you're welcome for that White Man can't jump Rosie Perez flashback by the way- anyways the show was talking about all the artifacts and how some of the bodies were still preserved and shit like that when pops all the sudden starts talking about how he doesnt believe in Dinosaurs and how wacko scientists just found a bunch of cow and elephant bones and put them together to contruct these supposed creatures. I was completely taken aback, wondering if he was just joking, but the man kept at it talkng about how he would find bones back in his old home in Tabasco and how he could of turned them into some type of creature himself and call himself a scientists. I could do nothing but laugh. "Puras Pendejadas!" This incident just popped in my head the other day and made me laugh...

I read about how people were protesting Michael Vick's book signing the other day. Sorry, but you people are fucking ridiculous. The man went to jail, paid his dues, goes and talks about animal cruelty now and you still wanna despise him? Because he grew up in a culture where what he did is typical? the same people that crusade for pitbulls and how its not about nature its about how you nurture them, can sit there and argue how he should continue to be villified because he was NURTURED into believing dog fighting was normal? Yet go eat Paella and eat tacos while Spaniards and Mexican have bullfights? See how that last statement was ridiculous? Well that's how ridiculous it is in forever hating a guy who has more than paid for killing animals. I don't even like him as a football player, don't know him as a person, could really care less about him really, but the comments I read about how he should never be allowed to own a dog for his kids, how he should be castrated (god knows why), even after he WENT TO JAIL. I guess people cant get reformed to these people. I guess no one can learn from the past. I guess instead of jail anyone who does something bad should just be shot and killed on spot because there is no changing their ways. Nothing that they do will right their past wrongs. Sometimes I wonder if he was white would people think differently of him. Sad but true. Bottom line-please just kill that shit and dont bother to explain to me why he should suffer more for what he did to DOGS. why? pretty simply;

YEARS IN JAIL MICHAEL VICK DID FOR KILLING DOGS- 2 YRS
YEARS IN JAIL DUDE DID FOR KILLING POPS- 0

So you will excuse me if I laugh in your face...

I only had a victory speech prepared for my POPE victory- this Argentian came out of nowhere to snatch victory from my grasp. You catholics really missed out on something that could have been special- I would have re decoded the Da Vinci code, I would have finally given Angels souls, I would have attempted to make peace with Satan so that we could turn Hell into a cool jazz club, but more importantly I would have allowed for The LGBT community to finally marry inside the church, I would have freely given away condoms all while continuing to preach the core beliefs of the Catholic Church. I also would have put all the Michaelangelos we had in stock for sale, and moved the Vatican from Italy to Jerome, Arizona. I also would have sainted Cantiflas, Tony Gwynn, and John Denver. Maybe in a few years when Pope Francis goes to hang with the Jesus, will The Palpacy of Pope Rogelio Camacho III begin...

From over the weekend; Not a good idea to have the moms and the lady friend discussing your health issues- from attempting to get me to pick corn over flour tortillas to this exchange;

" you did not give me full disclosure about you past medical issues!- you are really pieces of a broken man..."

"Being this handsome takes its toll on the body- what can I say..."

Drunken tale time; Don't know if I ever told this one, but a few years ago, I was in Pacific Beach (shocking), hanging with I don't even remember. Anyways I was playing pool and these cats came up and we started playing against each other. we got to talking about music and how they were trying to start up a hip hop group because their friend was this awesome beat maker or some shit. I was pretty drunk by this point - at that point when I like to get creative and weave tales. So I end up telling them how I was thinking of starting my own record label and production company and how i was planning on buying a studio and if I liked their sound I may help them out. I was totally thinking since we were in San Diego they were trying to sound all gangster west coast Jayo Felony Brotha lynch hung shit- I was gonna use that as my out to tell them that that wasnt the sound I was into. When they start bringing up black moon, cl smooth, gangstarr, and other of my favorites. damn it I now was stuck because I wasnt about to bullshit and say I was into the jayo felony-brotha lynch hung sound. So they keep talking to me about how they know a studio i could buy and how I had to meet their beat making friend... I end up in the alley talking on the phone acting like the A and R future owner of a record company I am not grilling him about his influences, DJ premier, 9th wonder, Pete Rock - he even knew Show from Show and AG. It got to the point I was gonna back them and fund their project and they were all excited. I spent the next week ignoring their calls. I am sometimes truly an asshole haha. Sorry guys I didnt mean for it to go that far and I hope your hip hop dreams werent dashed. But like usual in my defense I was drunk and why would you ever believe a drunk guy?

Hiatus remix-Diamond D. because I'm no longer in Hiatus...