Sunday Morning

Sometimes I look at this here site and go damn I wish I had time to write up something. Well due to my new found responsible way of drinking, I called it a night early last night and now I'm up bright and bushy tailed. On a Sunday. Sure Wednesday was a different story and 7 or 8 shots of bourbon later I found myself needing to get up off the couch and shower to go to work, but hey at least I made it. So where was the new found responsible way of drinking that night? Well actually that was the night it was created. Due to recent events-and only those really close in my circle nowadays know about it- I have decided its time. Spoke to Wes about it, and he gave me some encouragement, but I'm sure like mostly everyone else will, he received it with some skepticism. Shit I'll be honest I am skeptical myself, but this time unlike the other times I really want to give it a shot and see how long I can go. " I am skeptical" by the way was my dad's response to anyone who ever asked him to donate money for a cause. Just would calmly walk by them and say "I am skeptical" without so much as stopping. I found this to be a highly amusing asshole type of move. I can never get myself to do it myself, but it is highly entertaining to see someone else do it and see the reaction of the rejected person. It was my dad's birthday this week- its a day before my brothers. just thought I give him a shout out.

anyways back to my working at the auto club; you all know I love auto insurance and servicing it. You all have been around when I off on a tangent about it, your eyes glaze over and you slowly back away and leave me talking by myself. actually that happens on every subject I talk about. Actually not just any subject, pretty much every time I open my mouth as soon as attention can be diverted from me it is. Haha, its cool I'm used to it. this is why I write on this site. you always make the mistake of clicking on the link and feel compelled at that point to read it. Anyways back to what I was trying to get to. My job. Love the industry, pride myself at being able to service it well, hope every insured gets serviced well, but I hate the position I'm in. Not so much the job, or the slave like conditions my current company makes us do our job in, but the fact I am forced to interact socially with a new and complete stranger about every 7 minutes. I do it ok I guess, but like I was telling Carina the other day, I panic as soon as I hang up the phone and have to wait for another insured. Like seriously. Like to the point I want to go to the bathroom and hide. to the point that every morning as I am heading to work I drive by the 405 s on ramp and seriously contemplate taking it and going home. It wasnt until a few years ago I realized I had a huge social anxiety issue. It sometimes gets to the point my heart races so fast I swear I am about to have a heart attack. Its not so bad in a non work social setting but as anyone that hangs out regularly can clearly see-especially when I'm sober, I suck at this aspect in life. I have to have known you for 10 years or feel really really confident that you actually like me as a friend to get through that wall and be comfortable and actually speak clearly all the thoughts that go on in my head. Otherwise its a muddled, convulated, mostly dull, drivel that comes out. This is where the alcohol comes in, there is a certain point in the night where the alcohol level in my body is at an optimum and is perfect for calming me and still allows for clear thoughts. Except I always tend to quickly go past that point, where the thought process becomes diluted and I go back to saying retarded shit. Briefly this part was countered with another social "enhancer". I was saying the other night that when I was on it I would talk non stop and people (especially other girls on the same enhancer) would thoroughly enjoy my company. Well its been over a year since I have partook in that nonsense; I alluded to it the other day on an FB post with Atmosphere's shouda known. Which perfectly explains this current dry spell I am on. So there you go. while alcohol just loosens most people up to bring out their normal social behavior, it has been a required tool for me to pry mine out. If you are thinking to yourself "Roy even when drunk you're still dull," haha fuck you. Anyways just thought I share my struggle at work. This is why I always respect highly anyone that is in a call center environment and does their job well. which goes to the majority of you that work at the AG, and GCO. Which is why Ricky Williams is one of my favorite athletes. and which is why I am awake this god damn early on a sunday- I wanted to make sure I was well rested for my consulting job so that I give myself a real shot at gettin hired full time for the arizona company i am working for. I need the job not only for the money, pride of being able to say " I'm Back!" like Paul Newmann in The color of Money, but also to relieve myself of the daily anxiety attacks that come from my current job. I wish I was exaggerating that but I'm not. The thought of working tomorrow has me currently in a minor panic mode as I type this. My passion for underwriting didnt come from wanting to be the one to make decisions on policies, but from the peace of knowing you don't interact socially with alot of people in that position. There you all that read this know now....

So tonight I will have one last drink at trivia (anyone in the LA area is invited to help team dela ) hopefully for a while, drunkenly stumble to my room and sleep until i wake up and have to go to work.

Oh yeah I wrote a while ago that I would list the inspiration for some of my superbly incredibly average and medicore lyrics...

The whole series of the landlord and tenents was inspired equally by Brother Ali's "Shadows of the Sun" and Prince Paul's "A prince amongst thieves"- just the whole concept of a single project being a story
The one about Pops- Atmosphere's Yesterday
The one about my kids- Brother Ali's Faheem, Atmos' Little Man
The second verse of verses from my abstract- Elzhi's "Demons"
Limeade- Earl Sweatshirt (of ODD FUTURE)'s orange juice, LEGACY's I'm nothing
Gym torture- Sean Price's Suicide Doors
magic johnson- Atmosphere's Fashion Magazine./ J-live's MC

Enjoy your sunday. I'm off to shower and prep for my meeting

Blackstar - Respiration

Other than the fact she cancelled at the last second, I would say my first online date went well haha. I was tired from my hike and run in with the rattle snake anyways and at least I got to get home in time to get a full nights rest  before the morning's basketball game and saved some money for tomorrow's trivia action.

Hennesey's tavern was a nice spot to take in all the scenery however, which includes some of the wait staff. I  decided to be super responsible and make it a sober saturday, Those are a roy rarity- like Haley's comet. So I just thought I would mark it for you all to know it may not happen again in your lifetime... Wrote some shit to mark the 13yr anniversay of the song brothers by D and me, haha maybe this will also make it onto a cd....

Anyways, if you feel youre smart and can contribute feel free to cruise with. I'm off to calm kobe down from all the commotion happening on the street tonight and get some shut eye.

Respiration- came on in the car and thought I share.