Raining

Haha, whats the point of dreams when they are exactly like real life? I just woke up from a dream that plays out exactly like the scene turns out every time lately in real life. Pretty hilarious and amusing that your subconscious keeps tabs on current situations...

The last couple of days I have been talking a lot to a long lost friend. Its funny how we were able to pick it up and hadn't missed a beat. One if not the only one that has always gotten me. 

Me:" I given up soda pretty much entirely although I feel like a douche sometimes ordering unsweeten Iced Tea or water with a lemon sometimes"
" I order a club soda with lime... So who's the douche"
" So are you feeling good though?"
Me not understanding her question- as in good about what;
" good in what regard?"
" 'Good in what regard?' HA! maybe you should be ordering a club soda with lime..."

" Fia just turned 8! and Danny will be 11 in February... they are doing good- They are both smart as fuck like me."
"And praytell, Hath they your humbleness?"

Haha and it pretty much goes on like that- it feels good remembering that there are some people that just know you...

Today or yesterday actually, since its freaking 3 in the morning and the only reason I'm awake is because of the aforementioned dream and I should be really be sleeping since I have a long day of work, The Aztec game and my own game, in which I actually hope to play semi decent, yeah this is a hell of a run on, but its 3 in the morning for christ sake, anyways at the end of work today, My trainer for the A cubed straight out asked me why I took this job. Like, he was honestly confused. Continued with telling me I was obviously way over qualified and was pretty much wasting my time. Also getting paid less than a homeless pan handler currently. I just explained with the job market the way it was, the jobs I was qualified for I had no shot at because of my lack of a degree so I had to bite the bullet and start from the ground up again. Which is funny because throughout the day he spends it convincing everyone else how great being a CSR there is and how taking phone calls is glorious and all that shit, but all the time he knows its not really all he's making it what its cracked up to be...

In case no one has really gotten it, I am never serious about how good I am at basketball- I get by with the fundamentals, if that and I don't think  everyone really gets that. Some of us on the team played last wednesday and we played 5 on 5 against a team everyone but me thought should have killed us. I didn't think so- they were probably better if not just as good as the teams we have lost to in league play, but the reason I didn't think they shouldnt kill us is because no one is really ever that good-especially if they are playing on an outside court in some apartment complex on a wednesday night. I also tend to thrive in situations where people think they are just gonna roll over my team- some of you on facebook lost 10 bucks once to Brian, me, and three other supposedly lackluster players when they thought we were laughing stocks at basketball- haha you know who you are. Anyways, we played tough and competitive and had a couple of shots to win it actually. So I look forward to playing tomorrow- even if we do end up getting blown out. But more importantly the #4 ranked Aztecs play at #9 BYU- this is supposedly their real statement game and I can't wait to catch it- Someone please let me know if it will be on the Mountain or VS so I can hit up a spot before my game to watch it...

Pandora just played a commercial about the warrior dash right now. I was a little concerned yesterday because I could only go a mile and a half before my shins started killing. Was thinking maybe I was still a long ways off before trying such a thing in April. I was hoping it was because I had gotten on the elliptical prior to it and so today I decided to hit the treadmill and give it another go- went all three miles in 27:29. So that made me feel a lot better and am now looking forward to that as well- Only thing that sucks is that it's on the same day as paid dues- but its close to where this dash is taking place so maybe I'll just run it real quick and head on up to catch Black Star and Murs do their thing. Still gotta see the whole lineup though before making a choice between that and Coachella...

That's it my ass should be sleeping. PS I need a haircut- thought you all should know...

Raining featuring some guy and then Jaysun and Edo G. Snowgoons are a beat making team from germany- they came on the Pandora right when I woke up just now and decided it was a go for the blog...

insomnia

its 2 steps forward one step back
or is it the other way around
my life is bound to get better right
still trying to understand that night
still trying to stop regretting stop livin in hindsight
my fortunes should be taking flight
I'm bound to get better since I've been through the worse
so with these words I try to disperse
stuck in strange thought a strange town
trying to work the angle while in this city of angels
have friends but still feeling like a stranger
old out dated tired of getting faded
tired of the game tired of feeling jaded
have 2 seeds whose childhood theres no delayin
missing it so I can grow up
thoughts of them hatin got me throwin up
so sure enough you can find me at the local drink spot
not remembering how I got to where I woke up

sleepless in a borrowed bed
verse on display cuz it has to be said
if you don't get it- thats ok I don't neither
thoughts runnin' wild I need a breather
only get one chance to get this right
cuz you only get so many rewrites
before people tire of you
trying to bring back the old school
though i never finished college
my experience better than book knowledge
I'm my own savior my own creator
drunk, sober I aint a player
have too many complex layers
so if you pass well then I'll take her
good at writtens better at oral
one shot and they'll find out why
the S T comes before the R-O-Y
keep laughin till you cry
you know this shit is live
as much as you dont wanna you feel the vibe
wondering when my brain is gonna call it a night
close my eyes but no sleep in sight
so I sit here and continue to write
hoping in the morning coffee will make me right...

Faheem

Saturday I'm walking back to my car from the Albertson's in Santee. I am behind a father and son. The father is dressed all business- suit and tie- the son, who is about 7 or 8 is dressed like a typical little kid. They are heading towards an Acura TL and the son goes to what must be his customary spot in the back seat behind his dad. The dad is already in the car as the little kid is opening his door and as he is about to get in he stops to gather up some courage and goes ;
"Hey dad can I PLEASE ride in front?"
a few moments pass, the little kid is anxiously waiting for his dad's response. I didn't hear his dad's reply but realize what it was when the little kid throws up his hands in victory, yells "YES!", slams the  back driver side door, and races around to the front passenger door.

I got a kick out of that but anyways back to drunken retardeness...

10051 Lafe Dr- I am sure during your high school years there was that one house where all your friends would congregate to party. For my friends it was definitely here. So many entertaining stories- I don't know where to start. Everyone has had an episode or two here- my parents included. My parents went out of town alot especially during the summer for the weekend, so it was the easy choice to hang out at.  It was the place where if I woke up in my bed not knowing what happened the night before I would have to send a mass text to all the attendees I remembered being there.
"I will just go ahead and apologize for whatever one of my actions or words may have offended you last night..."
the response would normally be laughter followed by
"we had a good time- although you did call some stranger a whore..." or
"we had a blast but the guy you kept talking shit to all night left early for some reason..." or
"you maybe should get help." haha.
sometimes I want to get all the intel before such obligatory apologizing needs to begin;
" So guys great night last night huh?"
Or some other type of drivel to get conversation going. If people didn't respond within a reasonable time I would just assume I had done something offensive and would proceed with the apology. I wish I wasnt such a dick when drunk haha. Oh well I'm striving to work on this still- no seriously I am haha. It just hasn't been coming along as quickly as I had planned...

I have had a lot of run ins with tequila- to the point I can no longer take but a couple of shots of it before I don't remember the night.The first such run in occurred here. A few friends and me were fishing for alcohol at the local food 4 less, when one of them decided it would be a good idea if him and me split a bottle of tequila. Being ignorant of what good tequila was and wanting to be cheap, we decide of good ol' cuervo gold. The two guys who eventually agreed to buy us the alcohol, decided to keep some money for themselves and got us the silver instead of the gold. Told us there was really no difference just that they added color. Fine, whatever. This might have been my third time drinking ever by the way. Just thought I would mention this now before I forget. So we head back to the pad and have a few beers prior to beginning our shots. We have a shot and comment amongst ourselves that hey its not that bad. We have another shot. and another shot. and another shot. We are thinking we are cool cuz we are doing shots of tequila and it doesnt seem to be fazing us at all. We speed up even more. In less than 15 minutes I would say we are done with the bottle. Danny and Issam I believe are looking on just watching it all unfold, knowing something is gonna happen but not sure what.

This is where my wandering career began. I decide it would be a good idea if we all went for a walk. I would like to point out that the shorts I was wearing required me to wear it with a belt and for this walk I had forgotten to put it on. So about 4 of us end up wandering the streets of Santee. Now officially drunk. How do I know? Because the last part of the night I remember is reaching up for a tree maybe a block from my house on ironwood. The rest of the walk? Nope. What I do remember is getting bitch slapped (by D) in my shower, only wearing my underwear and cold water hitting my face. Apparently we had gone about half a mile away from the house, my shorts had fallen down and I had tripped and passed out in the street. Two of my friends were so drunk they just walked back without me, while the one realized there would be hell to pay if someone were to find me, passed out, shorts down. So he runs back to go get my brother and Issam because he can't carry me by himself. They jumped into Issam's ride- a sweet impala by the way- and by the grace of god find me before someone else had. When it was discovered that the two friends had bailed and came back, their lives are basically threaten and they also were very close to getting thrown in the pool. the guy who split the bottle of tequila ended up throwing up and as more punishment, Danny got them up at 7 in the morning and kicked them out of the house.

Wait there is more- there was the time Issam made the tactical error as a Pizza Hut manager and got me the big bottle of Gin the night before I was supposed to open as the cook in the morning. A friend of mine, Dan and me decided it would be a good idea to drink it all in one night. I ended up trying to either get up from the bar counter or sit down next to the bar counter when I lost my balance (for obvious reasons), slipped and hit my head on the counter. I was out cold. I woke up to with a blanket and 3 hours late for work. It took Issam calling my house to finally get me up. I also had a huge bump on my forehead. I show up for work and he had already advised them of the purchase that had been made for me the night before. I show up do about 5 minutes of work and get sent home.

One time we were there having a good time and my dad asked all of us there if we could move the camper shell back a little bit so he could fit his truck into the rv parking area. we just looked at him and said sure sure no problem. about a half hour later we are all in the back yard when we hear this big as crash sound and see the camper shell topple. Pops had gotten tired of waiting and basically rammed the camper shell with his truck. My friends were shocked and scared a little bit, thinking my dad might be putting an end to this night early. I knew he wouldnt but would just say something snippy.
"You guys didnt feel like moving it so screw it I did it myself..."
he goes back inside and we just start dying laughing.
The Hennesey and Alize episode where one of us (not me) drank the bottle of hen lost his balance and went head first into the garage door...
The time Nathan warned somebody not to say another word or else he would get slapped and sure enough he followed through on his promise...
The time my moms got so outta of control that when she saw me she proclaimed I was adopted...
While being small packaged by Brandon calmly responding to getting manhandled by stating
" Oh Brandon you're so tough. you are choking me..."
When Dan for some reason thought it would be a good Idea to pick up Hugo and throw him in the pool.
The time Kurt and me theorized an M-80 would sound louder if we threw it in an empty pool only to see it explode and cause a big hole in the vinyl...
During High School grad night when I decided to eat nothing but carrots and then drink a 40 in one drink...

The time someone other than myself decided to drink a bottle of Avalanche and ending up passed out in the bed of his truck, where I decided it would be a good idea to hose him down (hey at least it was summer)


The thursday night poker tourneys

The weekend pool tourneys

The birthday parties, 4th of july's, NYEs, and every other time we decided we got together because the parents weren't home or we just included them in the party.
The night for some reason back in his youth one of the cousins had a penchent for grabbing crotchal regions hence the temporary nickname of dickgrabber
"your little cousin coming over?"
"which one?"
"dickgrabber."
"oh yeah he's always there. just lets not laugh when he goes to grab one so he understands its not really that cool..."
Wes never quite remembering where I lived and the one time he straight up parked in the driveway of the house next door, got out of the car and started heading towards the door. it wasn't until he realized I was still in the car laughing that he was at the wrong house...

Yeah sometimes someone would end up upset and interrupt the night by either running down the street crying or wanting to battle someone to the death but never really anything major. It got to the point neighbors from across the street or on the next street over would hear the party and just cruise on over. Man its been tough trying to remember because these are from so long ago. If any of you remember anything, feel free to comment here or on the FB- I know I am missing way more than these...

By the Time I Get to Arizona

I have never been to the Grand Canyon. I planned to go last year with my kids right after the cruise for the first time but that obviously ended up not panning out. That wasn't the first time I had been denied the opportunity to check out the only reason people should go to Arizona. I believe it was 1987 the first and only time my family tried to go to see it. My dad was big on vacations if it wasn't Lake Tahoe or checking out the Mormons in Utah, it was San Francisco, Las Vegas, or even just Disneyland. The man also loved himself some camping. So anyways we head out one summer evening after he gets off work. Since it got dark we decided to stop just short of the State line and spend the night at some desert campsite. The next morning we wake up and attempt to head on into Arizona. Up ahead there is a border checkpoint. I think nothing of it, having never really questioned the parent's legal status. All I really knew is that they couldn't go back to Mexico after they had surrendered their mexican passports. Danny and I used to go to TJ all the time as little kids to hang out with my grandma and cousins. I just knew our grandma would always have to come pick us up in San Diego and take us into TJ. Again never had really questioned it.

We get to the Border agent who to me at the time looked like Dirty Harry- complete with mirrored aviators. We are in a truck with a camper shell and Danny and me are in the back. I casually look over into the cab of the truck to see whats going on. My dad had this letter supposed from the government that stated Him and my mom could stay in the US. Never really read it but that was my understanding. It seemed to have worked on other vacations. Not this time. An argument ensues and not only can we not just turn around to go home, we end up getting deported. Danny and I mind you were both born here. Getting deported was something that wasn't supposed to happen to us. Now I understand they were techinically only deporting my parents. We were just a side note. But still, during my teenage and young drinking years I would get really upset when I thought of this story. Its why to this day I hate border check points that are within the US and am a dick to them (ok I'm a dick to everybody but even more so to them if they actually stop me to ask me a question- I once came really really close to replying to their are you an American Citizen with "yeah are you? and do you have any fuckin clue who Henry Clay was?" anyways, I digress...

So there we were being escorted by the border agents into Mexico. an agent truck in front of us and another behind us, leading us back to the border line. Once in Mexico the federal agents there advise my dad that they are impounding the truck for some reason and they are demanding some ridiculous amount of money. I mean it gets to the point that Danny and me are about to have to get out of the truck. We were about to get stuck in Mexico without a vehicle or any personal belongings. Moms and Dad are obviously very very upset. A semi decent mexican agent begins speaking with my dad and starts to tell him what he needed to say and do in order to avoid losing the truck. My dad had already tried telling the agent in charge he would give him all the money he had and whatever else was of value on his person. But that hadnt seemed to work. I'm not sure how this agent explained to my dad what to say, but about an hour later, my dad no longer so upset just comes back and says we get to keep the truck...

We are now traveling back west in Mexico trying to head home- The problem is of course how my parents are gonna get back across. In Tecate, we even tried doing a little coaching session on how to say "American Citizen" without an accent. We roll up to the agent and we all said "American Citizen"
his reply to my parents?
" Ok, can I see your papers?"
My dad trying to act angry,
"What you don't believe us or my kids!"
" Oh I believe them-I just don't believe you."
So that attempt was a fail. My dad then calls Don Javier and asks if he could at least pick Danny and Me up while they try to find a way back into the U.S. After getting yelled at for still being on American soil- the pay phone was on the US side of the border- we head back into Tecate for a little bit to wait for Don Javier.

On the way back into San Diego and towards Don Javier's house, I am wondering when I will see my parents again. As a little kid these situations tend to become exaggerated and I was thinking if they would ever be back, if Danny and me would have to fend for ourselves like the orphans seen on TV... amusing thoughts now. I didn't have to worry for too long. The very next morning both my parents are being dropped off in front of Don Javier's house.

A few years ago I brought this episode up to my dad and asked how the hell they got back so quickly. turns out He knew someone who was a coyote and he had given my parents a deal. He did mention the experience of having to get smuggled back into the country was one of the most humilating feelings. My parents had been living in the US since 1973. Almost 15 yrs of working, paying taxes, and just trying to improve their lives. Yeah yeah thats what most of them say, I know. Anyways my parents got a lawyer and within a year they were temporary resident aliens. The first day my dad was re granted permission to be able to go backand forth from Mexico, he took danny and me to our grandma's. He wanted to play a joke and had us bring clothes in a bag and that we were showing up on our own because we had ran away from home. I still remember how happy he was when we were crossing back into the US and he didnt have to hide his accent or be smuggled back across- just showed them his green card and drove through. Years later he finally became an official U.S. citizen and I know if I am anything like him, the first time he got to cross back into the border by just saying he was an American citizen would have been really vindicating for him. If the agent would have responded by stating he didn't believe him, I know he would have just laughed and made the agent feel like an asshole when he proved he indeed was.

I will one day finally make it to the Grand Canyon, I am just gonna make it a point to make sure my kids are with me the first time I see it though. My Dad never ended up making it to the Grand Canyon or even bothering to go back to Arizona. In seeing all the bullshit that state does I don't blame him. But honestly whether he was wronged that day or not doesn't really matter anymore, everything ended up working out because of this episode. My mom is also now a US citizen and he got to go home to Tabasco a couple of more times.

Sayin' Somethin'

Since I have put myself on time out for a bit I have decided this week the posts will be tales from the past- some rehashed and repackaged others only spoken about but never written. But before I get to tonight's tale, I just would like to bring up the happenings at my work really quick. We've been on the phones this week- I don't really have a problem or get like nervous at all about it, I took plenty of supervisor calls to know how to handle situations, but I realize its tough when you're not a natural conversationlist to have this type of job. See part of our goal is to cross sell other products- not a fan. Closing does not come naturally to me as speaking small talk jibberish is something I don't like. Don't get me wrong- I am the guy you wanna get if you have to call a call center, I'll be courteous, handle your issue right and send your ass on your way faster than the hold time to get to me. What I tell you I mean. Good morning? I mean it. Thank you for calling? I mean it. Anything else I can help you with? I mean it. Thanks for being with the auto club enjoy the rest of your day? you get it...
but unless there is some real connection like the lady from El Cajon I spoke with today, I'm not gonna get excited about having to ask you about the weather in your area or lead you into having to stay on the line longer while I try to get you to a sales agent to get a quote. I am not quick witted enough to respond to your initial refusal to stay on the line longer than you have to. I hate getting cross selled myself and now I have to do it as part of a goal? For a guy that prefers to text, email and write up this bullshit here you can see how this goal bugs me. Unless you yourself have an actual engaging personality, there is gonna be a lot of dead air if we speak on the phone- friend or business situations. I am only witted, it takes me a bit to come up with something remotely clever and then thats not always the case. anyways back to the show...

My second Galant was a sweet silver shade. Silver and Black are easy colors for me- I don't have to call someone to verify what colors they are. One warm summer weekend night a buddy who now lives in Poway (haha trying to protect the identity) and I were out in PB. Shocking I know. anyways we did the usual- hit up a few spots before ending up at I believe PB pub. There we ran into some military guys who apparently were actually cool. This one is actually a quick one not much to this story so I am just gonna fast forward to me in the morning. I wake up on the driver side of the car. It smelled of ladies' perfume so I figured I must have given a girl a ride. So I am kind of down at myself for having driven but relieved a bit that I was ok. I start to try to start the car and notice the keys are not in the ignition. Smart move by me I am thinking since if the cops would have come calling they could not even try to get me for a DUI. I check my pockets. Hmm. no keys. It was then that I realized that I was too close to the steering wheel. Huh? How could I have driven like this? I then noticed the logo on the steering wheel. It was the Infiniti logo. WTF! I then start looking around- Macy Gray Cd? The Pixies? Wilco? These are not my CDs. The interior is not the same as my beloved galant. Holy Fuck I am in someone else's car. But why the hell am I in the driver seat? You would have thought I would have been in the passenger side... I have no clue whose car this is- no one I knew drove an Infiniti. I did some more investigating and decided it was in my best interest to get out of the car. As I open the door, The alarm goes off. I also have no clue where I am but need to decide really quick where I need to go in case the owner comes out to turn off the alarm. I spot a jack in the box and decide I need to head there, call my buddy and try to figure out where I am. Its 7AM but luckily I get through and he comes to the Box to pick me up. Apparently he found himself at a house party with the military guys while I had gone wandering off. He then asked me where I slept;
" Someone's Infiniti on the driver side apparently."
" huh?"
"yeah dunno how I ended up there but the alarm went off when I got out of it and she had some pretty terrible cds..."
" oh so you at least know who she was?"
" Um No. when I realized I was in some strange vehicle I decided to check the glove box for the registration to see if the name on it would ring a bell...."
It had not. So then if she didn't know who I was and I couldnt remember driving anyone home in their own car then it would be best to get the fuck out of their car....
I'm not even sure if we met that night, but thank you Janice Brown for providing a place to sleep that night. I hope you built on your cd collection. Wilco and the Pixies were ok but Macy Gray and Wilson Phillips needed to go...

My theory on what happened? That in my unsoberness I thought I was getting into my silver galant when actually I basically broke into someone's silver Infiniti to sleep it off. So this should be a reminder to you sober people- lock your car doors at night or you might find a drunken Mexican sleeping it off...

" If the opportunity was to present itself, I might just have to go and reinvent myself..." - what I'm trying to do.

Cars & Shoes

I have owned  4 Galants since 2000.  If ever some one mentions Dude where's my Galant, it is because of this Tale.In 2003, I was living in Murrieta and was heading down for my son's birthday. I of course took this as an opportunity to go have a night out with Nick. We met up at the Ye Village Inn in Santee. There  of course ended up running into some people we knew and had ourselves quite the night. Somehow we ended up in Pacific Beach in the morning. We were supposed to go crash at a buddy's place not far from the bar, so at first we thought it a little strange we had woken up in his apartment by the beach. No big deal we thought though as we had been responsible and had paid for a cab.We headed back to Santee in his car (back when he drove), thinking we would just swing by the Ye to pick up my car and head to my son's birthday. Well we get to the parking lot and see a Galant and figuring it was mine decided we should go ahead and have a few beers before making it to my son's birthday party (this was during the first time My ex and I had split and she was residing in Santee with them while I lived in the house we still owned in Murrieta, so the party was taking place at her place). I was 25 at the time and even less responsible than I am now if you can believe that. So we go to the bar meet up with a few other friends and drink for a couple of hours. It comes time to head to the party and we start walking out. Problem. My Galant is nowhere to be found. Sweet. Not only had my car been stolen but my son's birthday present had been in there as well. I cared more about the fact that I didnt have his present so I have Nick take me to Walmart to pick up a new toy. This is also where I decide to call and report my car as stolen. The cops arrive to find me there with my friends laughing at the fact my car had actually been stolen. Yes we were all a little buzzed. The cop starts talking to me and begins to question why I hadn't stayed where my car had been stolen at. I explained it was my son's birthday and had to hurry up and get him a new gift. She can sense that I have been drinking and begins to question my story. But Nick was there to verify we had left it there overnight, had seen it there when we got there this afternoon and it had definitely gone missing while we were in there having a beer  While I am reporting my car stolen meanwhile, Walmart security shows up and Brian Kurt Hugo Danny Nick start making fun of the whole scene. funny stuff. Of course the other patrons of the walmart are also interested in whats going on since all my friends are around a cop car. I finish up the report and call GEICO to make my claim. Yes this was when I worked at GEICO. I make the claim get set up with a rental and proceed to go to my son's birthday. This was on Saturday. by monday I am in a rental and everything seems to be cool. I figured the car would be in Mexico and I would get the loan paid off and buy another one. I have a thing for galants- don't ask me why.

On Wednesday evening I am sitting by myself at home in Murrieta and I get this text from Nick " AHAHAHAHA"
We were all fans of the Chappelle show back then and figured he had been watching it or was remembering something from it. So I respond and ask him what was funny.
"Dude, I just spoke with Luke..."
I am still clueless. Luke isn't that funny of a guy so I'm still not getting it. Then Nick calls me. Turns out that on Friday night while we were getting lit up we ran into Luke. When the bar closed Luke was sober and had driven us in my car to our Buddy's apt-where we should have stayed that night. He had parked the Galant under the freeway by the apt and handed me the keys. We apparently had tried to get into our buddy's house but he hadn't been home so thats how we had ended up back in PB. Neither Nick or Me had remembered this part of the night. I of course start dying laughing -especially at the realization that I would have to call the cops and have them cancel the stolen vehicle report, would have to call the place I worked to cancel my claim and return the rental after explaining to them what had actually occurred. Oh and did I mention that my ex worked in the theft department at GEICO as well? Yeah, I am that awesome. So I call the Santee Sheriffs department tell them where I think my car might be and a few minutes later a cop calls me to confirm. He then tells me I have about 45 minutes to meet him where my Galant is or I would have to wait till morning. Murrieta is usually about an hour and 20 from Santee. I explain to him I am coming from murrieta and his only response was that he could maybe stay an hour and also tells me not to speed. How else am I supposed to get there within his allotted time? Anyways I end up making it in time, I explain what had occurred during a night of drinking and he just starts dying laughing. He does commend me on not having driven though. So to sum up, it took 5 days to figure out my car hadn't actually been stolen but had been lost while Nick and I were time traveling. Once the story got around I get nothing but shit talked to via texts, phone and every other form of media calling me Ashton Kucher.

See we don't talk to Luke much, he is more friends with Nick's brother Matt. If I remember correctly Matt had casually brought up that my car had been stolen the night Nick and Me ran into him...

Babygirl

I have been a Laker fan since I first started watching basketball. This weekend thanks to Carina I finally got to go to one of their games in Los Angeles...

Thats how the weekend started. It was a fun weekend but it ended on a sad note. For a couple of reasons. A buddy of my brother's passed away. He was only 33. I had met him a couple of times at the turf club- he knew me as the asshole. I realize now that while I am sure he really didn't think of me as a real asshole, that I will never get the chance to change that impression from him. He was a cool cat the few times we spoke and we weren't close but anytime a quality person leaves this earth, it kind of dampers the mood.

Moms called- she has a week to move. Devastation. Yeah she's known for a while but that doesn't matter. I right now am really at a lost for words myself. So this weekend I'm heading down to help her move. Danny asked if I wanted to go to the Bigfoot- but I just haven't felt positive since my mom called. I can't help but think about it like this- While I was out laughing having a good time, annoying and alienating people, and making an idiot of myself, some one's friend passed away and my mom got kicked out of her home. No amount of laughter and good times will overcome this.

It is interesting how this world is sometimes, how one gets caught up in trivial matters while the rest of the world has to deal with some tough shit. I hope the friends of Justin take comfort in the memories they had with him. I hope my mom realizes the memories of the good times she had at the house were what really made it a home.

This sucks cuz I was hoping this first one of 2011 would be an entertaining one.

Opportunity Knocks (prod DJ Premier)

2010 is gone. If you had asked me in  January where I would be, the last place would have been Los Angeles. The end of 2009 I had been working ridiculously long hours trying to set up 2010 as the year everything at the AG would go a lot smoother- not jut for me, but for everyone. I had visions for that place that ultimately no one else had. I was trying to get every work function there to go paperless for my department, come up with realistic goals that would motivate the people who worked in my department more, trying to streamline procedures for easier understanding, faster production, and less quality issues. I was also partying too much. I was burning the wick at both ends as the saying goes. I was actually gonna take a couple of weeks off, but when I first mentioned this to my boss, I got the vibe from her that that really wasn't all that ok. She then did a 360 and said I needed it and I should, but by then I had decided against it. I didn't want to be gone and disappoint her. In hindsight I should have taken the time off to take a break from it all and to avoid the blow up I ended up having in February. It wasn't really that bad I thought, but throughout the year I had plenty of time to think about it, and while some of the things I said needed to be said for my sake, I shouldn't have let my guard down in thinking she would understand, back me, let me vent a little and go on with my plan on improving the working conditions there. I just made it sound like a 1900s sweat shop and it wasn't like that, it was just that the place was fear driven at times with the be lucky you have a job and just do it like we say because that it the only way we know how type of attitude towards everyone that worked there. I have always been of the opinion that the best way to get people to work harder and to actually enjoy coming to work would be to have them constantly learn how to improve on their jobs, to give them a sense that they are working towards achieving something- pay raises, promotions, or even just a better skill set so that if they chose to leave and test the market for their skills they would feel like they had an upper hand from everything they learned and were trained to do where I was. While some people are content in just doing their time, I felt that most should be looking at replacing me one day as an underwriting manager. I of course was working on moving up myself. We spend a third of our lives at the work place and while there should be some adjustment from how you are at the work place and outside of work, for the most part you gotta be you cuz you are there so much. That of course didn't happen. I found myself out of a job I thought I would be at for a long time, struggling in trying to find a job that matched my skill set without a degree, a freefalling a bit into self loathing, self pity, well you can probably tell if you have read these words I type here. So no not in my lifetime did I think I would be living and working in LA. So on the work front 2011 is a rebuilding year, hopefully a productive rebuilding year like the one the padres (90 wins) had and not the start of a 15 yr plan like the pirates.

I don't know why I went on this last AG rant and maybe my visions of a working environment are way too altruistic, but I guess it was to try to get it all out completely out of my system so I can move on to 2011...

Outside of the work front, 2010 was a really cool year when I took time off from thinking of my jobless plight. Met a lot of cool new people, got to spend a lot of time with my kids, got into about as good a shape that I have ever been, saw another one of my friends get married, and found that regardless of what trials and tribulations I had, I could count on the friends that have always been there. For that I am not entirely down on 2010. Everything that will cause me to struggle a little bit at the beginning of 2011, I did to myself. And really its just on the financial front and I have been through this type of shit before. I have a new job in the same industry I have always been in so I am confident it won't be long where I can have an opportunity to reach the level I was at in 2009. Also Los Angeles isn't that bad- I mean I'm not far from my kids, not by myself up here and I have a roof over my head with my brother and one of the coolest cats I know. I still have a ways to go personally as well- while on the job front I want to go back to where I was in 2009, personally I don't want to be the same person. Don't get me wrong I was awesome as fuck back then, but I want to improve on areas that I have ignored since 2004. I want to try to find a better balance for me- I'll just leave it at that though it does include drinking way less and concentrating on my jobs (work, father, son) more.

I guess that's what the dawn of a new year gives you- a new chance and a constant opportunity to build off the previous year. At least for me- some of you I know are already where you should be and I'm happy for you all. I'm trying to get there and be right there with you all. So 2011, I hope you're ready for a real ass kicking.

Opportunity Knocks by Nick Javas from the DJ Premier album.