Felt - Morris Day

Should I try to aspire you to write my style?

Since I've decided I'm done working for the day and am waiting for a ride, I actually have time to amuse you with more of my mediocre writing/story telling. I decided on posting a Felt song as a tribute to my shirt which I have decided to retire. Oh I'll still use it to work out or play basketball in, but the time has come to no longer be out and about the greater Phoenix area rocking it. I have reinforcements on the way, and plus its had a famous two year run as my FB profile can attest to

Back in my more youthful but less handsome days, around 8th grade, I believe,  out in the Suburbs of San Diego a rise in tagging commenced. No, I was not a part of that silliness-at least not initially and not for serious. I hung out that year mostly with a couple of guys named Brandon and Steve, and we actually had a good time making fun of all these kids starting to tag up the school, park, and neighborhood with their ridiculous tag names and crews. There was the Kid, Slim, Tiki, and all sorts of other lame ass names. Anyways one day we were joking around and making fun of these cats, when we decided we should come up with an even lamer name for a crew than what was already out there. Our Initials of our first names came up with what we thought was an aptly titled reply to all this nonsense. All we needed to add was a "we".  And BAM! a crew name was born- "We R.B.S." as in our initials cleverly disguised as "we are bull shit" for the slower readers out there.

We decided one night while we were all spending the night together at one of our houses that, what better way to make fun of all this  by tagging the biggest, most visible thing at our school. THE BALL WALL. So off we went in the middle of the night with a can of Red, or brown spray paint- I dont know the exact color as I am color blind-but color didn't matter. What did matter was gonna be how hilarious we thought it was going to be to paint the biggest tag out of all the so called crews out there with "WE R. B. S.". Problem was, us three were not exactly expert taggers, especially in the dark. We were all gonna take turns spray painting our own initials but as it was dark, none of us really knew where the other had ended their letter. Plus since the ball wall was pretty out in the open and visible to a major cross street we kept looking for the 5-0 (officers of the law for those of you not hip to the game) in case we had to RFTC (thats an Atmosphere song for all you that don't know- Run From The Cops, its about a tagger and being caught by a hip hop loving cop...anyways) So since we were novices at this vandalism thing, and since we were more busy looking out for cops that looking at our tagging, our " WE R. B. S." vision of a tag looked more like "weRB" with an "S" somewhere floating out looking more like a snake... It was however the most notable tag I can remember from those days and we felt we had made our point.

While WE R. B. S.'s crew tagging days was short lived, it was quite the lyrics writing crew. We had a project due in History regarding slavery and we decided we would bust out the pad and pen and make a rap song out of it. This is actually the first time I ever wrote any kind of lyric. Again, we were trying to be funny with it but we still took it seriously. Way seriously actually. For you kids that never owned a cassette single of any song, there was a time, that when you bought a cassette single, the "B" side would usually just be the instrumental to the song. After hours of writing to TOO SHORT's The Ghetto, we decided it wouldnt work to cut it up into three verses. Then we busted out the GETO BOYs " Mind Playing Tricks on Me" and bam! it was perfect- we were three lyricists, and the song had three distinct verses. We spent a whole night getting every cadence and syllable of our verses we had written to match the song. Its actually pretty funny today how hard we worked on it-all for a History project. You would have to be pretty old, and in GATE at Cajon Park, but we rocked Ms. Follett's History class that day. At least that's how I like to remember it. Thinking back on it, I think time was running out for the period and Brandon didn't want to wait for the next day to perform because he was getting all anxious and nervous about performing our classic song, that I'm pretty sure we just squeezed it into the final minutes. People were too busy packing and waiting to leave class to truly appreciate the greatness. Anyways, we would go and continue to write songs off instrumentals for a few more months, but realized as we were only 14 and we weren't going to be rockin the Sports Arena anytime soon, to put our Rap careers on ice for the time being. That classic track for history is long gone- all I know is that it was about being a slave on a ship or some shit and one of us played the slavemaster, another one was the captain of the ship and one of us was the slave. I'm gonna go ahead and proclaim it as ahead of its time- you all weren't ready for it.

Hieroglyphics - You Never Knew

" You know Michael, today is my only day off..."
" So are you saying we should go to the bar and have a few?"
" I'm just sayin..."
" Maybe we should go pick up Ruben..."

And that's how  a ridiculous Sunday Fun-day started. We returned back to Ruben, who had finished showering, I borrowed a shirt from him since I had gotten Salsa on my Felt shirt the night before (that's another story), and as we headed out into the unknown drunken abyss, Ruben mentioned that maybe we should pretend someone had broken up with his girlfriend to justify our most recent drunken spree. This is where the seed was planted....

So it started out like any other Sunday, we headed to the local Hooters as a change of pace from the tilted kilt. The air conditioner was broken and the restaurant was too hot for us, so we decided after a few, and after making fun of Ruben for his ordering of Strawberry frozen margaritas, to head on out.

" I wonder why Zipps wouldn't advise other Zipps when customers have met the 5 32oz limit- I mean they could just go ot another Zipps and start on a new set of 5..."

"Let's be honest Ruben, only about 1% of the population would even be able to drink 5 32 oz, let alone find their way to another Zipps and drink 5 more...Sadly we're that 1%..."

 we hit up another spot we had previously been to- 11:30, for its 10.00 bottles of champagne Ruben decided we should cheers with our Mimosa's- my toast;

" to Sunday and to somehow convincing the rest of the world we're not gay as we are toasting with Mimosas"

we watched a surprisingly close Gold Medal Basketball game- one we couldn't figure out if it was live or not -and then decided to head out- The Hooters waitress had told us of this Mexican restaurant where they only serve you one Margarita-thats their limit supposedly. So Mike Ruben and I decided to test this so called limit and head in. Turns out not only were we given false information, we would meet up with our central character of the evening- Maggie!

Now by this time we are way beyond sober but Maggie was a sweetheart and was having a good time with us. So much so that I proposed to her, but alas she was already taken....

"MAGGIE will you marry me!"
" hahaha, I have a boyfriend..."
" That would be awkward to marry him too. I GUARANTEE I HAVE A BETTER LAST NAME!"
" DE LA CRUZ! Tell me Maggie De La Cruz doesnt sound Royal!"
" would you like to have kids"
laughing she replies yes.
" How many?"
"2."
" Perfect! I already have 2! That would save you from the labor pains and bullshit that is pregnancy!"

Damn you Carlos Dominguez!

Leaving behind Dos Amigos without a wife, we somehow had remembered Mike was supposed to give a friend of his a ride to the airport- we had decided we would all go and then just drink it up at the airport bar. However that plan was spoiled as David had decided not to wait for us and took a cab. I politely gave him a call and let him know why he was such an asshole. Then us three remembered that our roster wasnt complete- all during football season last year we had always gone out- us 3 and an african american lady, be it a Liz, a Beacie... So we tried contacting another friend to complete the roster- as she would not pick up, I left her a voice mail calmly explaining why her presence was required....


Anyways to the most ridiculous part of the day- So we head to a spot called Copper Blues and post up at the bar. We meet Emily, our bartender and victim of the tale we were about to weave.

"Where are you guys coming from?"

"We've been going at pretty much since Thursday..."

all of the sudden, Mike decides to say this;

"You know this guy was supposed to get married today!", pointing at me

" Really? you guys are joking right"

"Nope seriously. what time is it?"

"5 PM"

" I'm scheduled to be married at 5:30 PM at St Thomas Aquinas church out in the aves,  but I'm not going, I havent talked to my ex fiance since Thursday- Damn you Maggie!"

By then, another waitress, the barback, and some other customers were intrigued, and wanted to hear my story, trying to see if we were bullshitting...Mike, Ruben and me then proceed to weave this tale about how I caught her cheatin on Thursday had been so distraught I just called Mike and proceeded to breakdown. so much so I hadnt cared to charge my phone change clothes until Ruben brought me another shirt... and  how I even had a honeymoon planned to go to Costa Rica in the morning...
Mike- " Why Costa Rica? Why not Jamaica or the Bahamas?"

" Cuz Costa Rica was on sale Mike!"

 " I can only imagine how many calls I have been getting"
 "her dad was such a good guy too all the money he spent on a girl that didnt know what she had..."

" damn that Carlos!"

" I moved from San Diego. SAN DIEGO! to make a life with this woman!"

Mind you the whole time Mike, Ruben, and me are laughing and having a good time... all the manager could muster saying was;

"um Thank you for coming in to Copper Blues..."

I went to the bathroom, came back out and realized that not only had they believed every word, my "plight" had spread around like wild fire, the staff, the patrons...- they started giving me free shots, free beer, the barback ended buy me more shit... The bar manager told the comedy club manager and got front row tickets for us...We turned them down... At this point it was too late to take back the story... the barback who ended up being from Boston, took us to another bar where the story again spread and got more shots there... We decided while we could no longer take back the story, we needed to stop talking about it, and hopefully this Save Ferris campaign would end... No question, I will one day buy everyone who bought me shots on this night, drinks because the point of our tale wasn't to get free shit, it was just to tell an amazingly ridiculous story, in the name of fun...

I have banned myself from Copper Blues for a term of no less than 90 days.