Yesterday

I thought I was smarter than this.Apparently I'm not. I feel like I'm not even stuck in neutral-I think I'm actually going in reverse in all facets of this life thing.  I got asked a question yesterday and it got me. What the fuck have I done since February? I had thought rewriting my resume and applying for jobs had been productive. Hmm lets see.  I have managed to lose 20 lbs since May. I took a free course that turned my certification into a designation.I looked into going back to school (but am not eligible for Financial Aid because I my penchant for enrolling in classes and then dropping them back in my youth). That's it. In thinking about it, I havent been productive at all. This writing thing here- don't think counts. It hasn't given me anything of value other than to sort out thoughts, make a fool of myself, and help pass the time. Time I used to spend at work. I really killed myself at that job and have not a lot to show for it.  In attempting to help out fellow employees have a better work environment and better understanding of insurance, I ignored family things. I read a quote from Richard Sears once where he was asked what it was like to have so many people work for him. His reply was that they didnt work for him, they worked with him. Thats the philosophy I took. Of course times have changed since he founded Sears and maybe it just no longer applies.
I was in LA again this weekend. Probably shouldn't have gone, but its always nice to get a break from the norm. Crossed a few things off my list. wandered off again- with a reason this time. Took a nice Sunday stroll to go pick up my car. nice lil 5 mile walk. It was good to be out there and watch the world as you strolled, clear thoughts, pains, issues. Saw a family buying a car and took in their excitement. Stopped at a cemetery looked at lives that came and went and wondered for a bit how they lived. Walked passed a homeless guy with a cart and thought about how while walking was an option for me, it wasn't for him. I might be joining him real soon. Continued and saw a little boy with his dad at an oil change, eating an ice cream. Just looked at me and smiled. I laughed. Tried to jog it a little bit from there but was too hung over. Legs weren't cooperating. Made it to the bar, had a pitcher and eavesdropped on a conversation about Anchorman. Noticed the guy out in the patio with me was rocking A I love La Mesa shirt. Clear blue sky, a beer in hand, good scenery. Ruined by the fact that I at this time am lost inside my own head and my foolish attempt at creating a reality from a fantasy.

Yesterday from Atmosphere. Because I spoke about my pops like I never had before. Call your dad. If at the very least to remind him who he's missing out on.