Opportunity Knocks (prod DJ Premier)

2010 is gone. If you had asked me in  January where I would be, the last place would have been Los Angeles. The end of 2009 I had been working ridiculously long hours trying to set up 2010 as the year everything at the AG would go a lot smoother- not jut for me, but for everyone. I had visions for that place that ultimately no one else had. I was trying to get every work function there to go paperless for my department, come up with realistic goals that would motivate the people who worked in my department more, trying to streamline procedures for easier understanding, faster production, and less quality issues. I was also partying too much. I was burning the wick at both ends as the saying goes. I was actually gonna take a couple of weeks off, but when I first mentioned this to my boss, I got the vibe from her that that really wasn't all that ok. She then did a 360 and said I needed it and I should, but by then I had decided against it. I didn't want to be gone and disappoint her. In hindsight I should have taken the time off to take a break from it all and to avoid the blow up I ended up having in February. It wasn't really that bad I thought, but throughout the year I had plenty of time to think about it, and while some of the things I said needed to be said for my sake, I shouldn't have let my guard down in thinking she would understand, back me, let me vent a little and go on with my plan on improving the working conditions there. I just made it sound like a 1900s sweat shop and it wasn't like that, it was just that the place was fear driven at times with the be lucky you have a job and just do it like we say because that it the only way we know how type of attitude towards everyone that worked there. I have always been of the opinion that the best way to get people to work harder and to actually enjoy coming to work would be to have them constantly learn how to improve on their jobs, to give them a sense that they are working towards achieving something- pay raises, promotions, or even just a better skill set so that if they chose to leave and test the market for their skills they would feel like they had an upper hand from everything they learned and were trained to do where I was. While some people are content in just doing their time, I felt that most should be looking at replacing me one day as an underwriting manager. I of course was working on moving up myself. We spend a third of our lives at the work place and while there should be some adjustment from how you are at the work place and outside of work, for the most part you gotta be you cuz you are there so much. That of course didn't happen. I found myself out of a job I thought I would be at for a long time, struggling in trying to find a job that matched my skill set without a degree, a freefalling a bit into self loathing, self pity, well you can probably tell if you have read these words I type here. So no not in my lifetime did I think I would be living and working in LA. So on the work front 2011 is a rebuilding year, hopefully a productive rebuilding year like the one the padres (90 wins) had and not the start of a 15 yr plan like the pirates.

I don't know why I went on this last AG rant and maybe my visions of a working environment are way too altruistic, but I guess it was to try to get it all out completely out of my system so I can move on to 2011...

Outside of the work front, 2010 was a really cool year when I took time off from thinking of my jobless plight. Met a lot of cool new people, got to spend a lot of time with my kids, got into about as good a shape that I have ever been, saw another one of my friends get married, and found that regardless of what trials and tribulations I had, I could count on the friends that have always been there. For that I am not entirely down on 2010. Everything that will cause me to struggle a little bit at the beginning of 2011, I did to myself. And really its just on the financial front and I have been through this type of shit before. I have a new job in the same industry I have always been in so I am confident it won't be long where I can have an opportunity to reach the level I was at in 2009. Also Los Angeles isn't that bad- I mean I'm not far from my kids, not by myself up here and I have a roof over my head with my brother and one of the coolest cats I know. I still have a ways to go personally as well- while on the job front I want to go back to where I was in 2009, personally I don't want to be the same person. Don't get me wrong I was awesome as fuck back then, but I want to improve on areas that I have ignored since 2004. I want to try to find a better balance for me- I'll just leave it at that though it does include drinking way less and concentrating on my jobs (work, father, son) more.

I guess that's what the dawn of a new year gives you- a new chance and a constant opportunity to build off the previous year. At least for me- some of you I know are already where you should be and I'm happy for you all. I'm trying to get there and be right there with you all. So 2011, I hope you're ready for a real ass kicking.

Opportunity Knocks by Nick Javas from the DJ Premier album.