Road To Perdition

5 years after writing this and 11 years after he has left us, I still have these dreams...-  rdlc 6/21/15

I have mentioned that I really don't like talking about dreams, but this one is what made me go back to movies and this one in particular. I still have dreams with my dad in them and usually when I wake up I realize I have been crying in my sleep. I realize this is because I always figure out in my dream he is no longer living. In this last one he's handing me money telling me everything is gonna be ok and to never worry about money. He was always like that at least to me- he'd give you everything he had. He was never big on finances-sadly neither am I. I never got to pay him back some money I owed him. I think one day I'll hand Lil D and Sofia the money I owed him-to pay it forward but won't bother to explain why. That will be between the old man and me. The dream ends with him in the front yard walking away and just waving and me waving back as I talk to my uncle, one of his younger siblings on the phone. I don't get the chance to say anything, just wave back. I have been accused on putting him on a pedestal, but in the end the man was my dad. Well anyways thats it. I'll  leave with something I wrote, hopefully its the last time I write about this subject, but probably not...

Wish I could've had one more night
thank you for the lessons air out some gripes
tell you my son and daughter gonna be alright
they're gonna miss you though
so I'll do my best to keep you in their soul
ask you what you think one last time
tell you i'm just learning your gift for rhymes
say sorry that I'm struggling so much
without you I'm bound to lose touch
know that I'll never quit on your memory
and forever try to improve on your legacy
Thats what I owe you
forever fuck that kid who stabbed you
but still wonder what happened to his life
after what he did to us that night
hope he lives every day with regret
like I do every day for not getting justice
we should still hang out in my dreams
there you can still teach me things
 with tears in my eyes
I'll hug and wave goodbye until next time
then I'll wake up feeling just fine...