Inside Outsider

So I have been spending this week just hanging out with my daughter because my son Danny (from here on known as Lil D) was awarded a free camping trip from the boys and girls club for exemplary behavior. Not that my daughter Sofia is evil, she was just too young to go. Some of you whose pleasure I have had to hang out might wonder how thats possible coming from a drunken degenerate. Others who haven't but might end up reading this blog on a continuing basis and ingest the drunken tales, might also end up wondering the same thing. To explain since 2006 I have basically been two different people. My kids split time with my ex and me- one week I have them the other week the ex does. Which for me means one week I'm the drunken degenerate the priviledged most likely have seen, and the other week-well why be modest- I'm a top 5 dad. I wouldn't say top dad because there are the Bill Cosby's, Al Bundy's, Billy Ray Cyrus' in this world, and of course your dad. And who am I to say I was better than your dad? Anyways to get back on point, its just been Sofia and me this week. We have gone to Disneyland, the Zoo, Cabrillo National Monument, and Old Town San Diego. I did it so she wouldnt miss her brother so much (they are very close right now) and also so she wouldnt feel left out of the camping trip. The funny part about old town is that she remembers from when she was 3 when I took her to this little taco shop in old town the last time I found myself retired for some lunch. She wanted to go back there today and sit in the exact same spot. I found this funny and amazing at the same time because not only did she remember the exact table we sat at she also remembered what she ate- a quesadilla. It's amazing to me because since this afternoon I have been trying to remember any memory from when I was 3 and I can't. I don't know if its because of all the alcohol I have enjoyed during my 16 yr drinking career or if its just because she was 3 only 4 yrs ago. But then I can't really remember any basic average thing such as where i sat at a restaurant and what I had to eat from 4 years ago either. I'm sure there is some child psychologist, pediatrician, dream interpreter, or wizard that  can easily explain it away, but such as I am not any of those- I am gonna go ahead and stay amazed by it.

     Last Monday was my dad's birthday 7/26. He has not been with us since 2004, but that hasnt stopped me from celebrating it.  Actually one of the things I regret (those who say to live with no regrets are full of shit. I think you ain't living if you havent regretted doing some things in life but I digress) is not hitting a bar or two or 1000 more with him. So I decide to hit the turf club. This used to be D's (my older brother) spot since he used to live only a block away from it.  It is located in a section of San Diego called Golden Hill and the name of the bar comes from the time when this neighborhood was an affluent part of the city and residents would come here after a day at the Del Mar race track. Or at least that is how I remember the story. So anyways I go in planning on having a pint of Bass or 3 and to listen to some Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, and some Sly and the Family Stone. The bar is average for a Monday night I'd say- cant really honestly remember last time I had been there on a Monday but there was plenty of space at the bar I sit down and right as I finish my first pint, this girl wearing a back pack sits two stools down from me. Average would be the rating with short brown hair- the type of girl that would go into a bar full of men unnoticed. She orders a beer and I turn and say hello and leave it at that. About ten minutes later a very beautiful girl comes in and take the seat between me and the back pack girl. As soon as this girl finishes her drink back pack girl jumps on it;
" Wow you are really beautiful I just wanted to let you know that. and yes I am lesbian and know you're probably not but I just wanted to let you know. I had to be honest"
The beautiful girl shyly replies thanks and has polite conversation with the backpacker for a few minutes before her boyfriend sees me and instantly tells her there is a better spot at the end of the bar. The man has no idea its not me he should have been worried about. The girl picks up her drink says her goodbyes and is off but this does not deter back pack girl and she follows. I am greatly amused by this and occasionally look over to see the outcome to this lil tale. BP girl ends up striking out and ends up alone at the end of the bar and I continue to hang out at the bar with another pint. about a half hour later i hear
" Hi is it ok if I talk you?" I turn to see its none other than back pack girl
" no need to ask I'm just unwinding from a day of job hunting and am not doing anything but guarding this bar-stool"  She proceeds to thank me like twice for having a conversation with her. This would be my first red flag. after finding out she was a librarian at UCSD and the required generic dewey decimal point joke, she proceeds to start off the next topic of discussion with this:
" Is it cool that I'm bi-sexual and from Toronto?" red flag number 2. She tells the other girl she's straight lesbian and proceeds to tell me she's Bi? and what the fuck does the fact that she's canadian have to do with anything? Should I start the Strange Brew references? Do I need to think about who was the better hockey player Gretzky or Lemeiux? I dunno I really had no other reply to that other than " that's totally cool- Toronto huh? Have you been to Kingston? I was there once." from there I find out she was heading back to Toronto after failing to assimilate to San Diego, had been recently arrested for a DUI after a night out of looking for a girlfriend, and that she was a fan of Weeds. Great. I have to insert that about every 5 minutes she's thanking me for talking to her and starts buying me drinks. I am a modern man so I have no problem with this. She then starts planning the rest of our evening without even asking for my input- I am gonna drive her back to her place and we are gonna have some type of canadian beer. I have no objection at this point as only two red flags have been put up and hey she was a librarian afterall. I excuse myself to go pee. This is when red flag 3 comes up. I walk back to her accusing me of having stolen her lap top and is interrupting other patrons- who are enjoying dinner mind you- screaming that I have stolen her shit. Right when some guy is about to step up and ask me if I had stolen it I calmly point to her back pack and go maybe her fucking laptop is in there. She realizes then that she had never taken off her back pack and that I obviously hadn't stolen it. She tries to act like she didnt just call me a thief and goes back to the plan of me and her going to her place. She excused herself to go to the restroom. My brain makes an executive decision over the rest of my body to close my tab and get the fuck out while I still am a free and alive man. I can only imagine what the fuck would have happened if I had woken up next to her. This by the way is the third time a drunken and/or drugged out lesbian has come on to me.

I dunno maybe its my cologne.

Inside Outsider is another Atmosphere track from Sad Clown Bad Dub II, for those of you who need introduction to a healthy dose of good music.