I'm A Star

So I just got a letter from McMaster- Carr. You can add them to my growing list of failed interviews. I'm really still trying to figure out where this opportunity went awry. I can only think maybe they were really looking for someone who could write Spanish better than a third grader. I really only wish that they would have been upfront at the end of the day since I'm pretty sure the last person to interview me knew I wouldn't be getting the job. In thinking back her last comment about some supposed background checks sounded too rehearsed- it just seemed out of place with the flow of the conversation. And since the letter was postmarked on Friday there is no way they would have gotten a background check report back- not that there is anything on it anyway to prevent me from landing a job. I dunno, oh well I sent them a thank you for the opportunity email since at least I got practice in interviewing. I do have another interview tomorrow and this one is more closely to my field anyway.  It's just a terrible feeling to be so high on an interview you thought went extremely well only to get the wind knocked out of you. I guess maybe that's why I actually never think I do well in an interview, because my track record verifies that I don't. One can constantly think they are qualified for any job and that they can excel at everything, but the continual denials of job opportunities begin to take a toll- to the point where you begin to question everything on your resume and begin to go insane and come up with ridiculous conspiracy theories about whether your previous place of employment is somehow sabotaging your job search. Or that somehow even though you make your facebook page private and check to make sure a blog like this isn't easily found on the internet, they somehow find them, laugh, and then go nope. I have googled my name every which way to ensure this isn't possible but still... Or that they heard me playing my music too loud in the parking lot and it being adult contemporary hip hop, they did not approve. Maybe I should have played My best of Hall and Oates CD. Maybe they didn't like my shirt and tie combination. I knew I should have gone with the blue shirt and blue tie.  I'm an extremely flawed person that is not a doubt in my mind, but when it comes to work and career wise I know I'm capable of excelling. Wasted talent. That's what I feel like. In the end in all honesty it's my fault. Do I blame everyone that's interviewed me? Nope. I just know that they missed an opportunity to get someone who would go that extra mile to help contribute to the company's success. I have missed an opportunity to make the best impression. Maybe I'm really not all that impressive.  It's like I should just give up on a decent paying job and start thinking about taking multiple odd jobs. I think that's the route I'm heading towards. It's really crazy how this is panning out for me. A few months ago I was actually interviewing for Management positions within my insurance comfort zone. Now its coming to the point where I can't even land a glorified customer service position. It's like that same feeling of reh-tardness that I can't do something that the majority of Americans can do easily. Blah blah bottom line is I need a job ASAP- All this free time leads me to drink too much too often. This is really a strange part of my life.
Anyways I'm just glad I have my music to soothe me. Not music I actually write cuz that shits terrible or play cuz I can't. I'm talking about other people's music. I'm very into lyrics. word play. storytelling. Shit that has you making a fist, putting it to your mouth and saying "oooh shit! he/she really just say that!" why? cuz I'm a hip hop nerd. 95% of the time you'll find me listening to it all of the time. So I have lots of respect for the non hip hop groups that make up the other 5%- they actually have to be extremely bad ass to get me away from listening to hip hop. If there are bands out there anyone feels should belong to this 5% let me know. I am extremely uneducated- ignorant I guess- on music outside of hip hop (hence me never actually winning at the music game) Like Phonte I don't listen to the radio so I don't know what's on it. I do like Transfer, Moons, Black keys (I got mine is actually pretty close to cracking my all time favorite song list- I just actually had to pause my playlist and put that on), Hendrix- rock type shit. This part of my music catalog is obviously heavily influenced by D. Don't really do Reggae- I dunno know honestly tried to like it when I lived in Monterey and worked at the Wherehouse. Forced myself to listen and try to get some audio satisfaction from it, but it just didn't work out. and Yes I do really rock Hall and Oates. Brian and Nick got me into Sinatra, Dean Martin-rat pack shit. Basically though, it's very rare when I actually impress a girl with my jukebox selections. And its too often people stop and wonder what the hell is blaring from the speakers. But hey-That's my gift to the bar patrons.  Just sitting here and typing away and listening to it has vastly improved my mood. To the point I'm getting off this couch now to hit the gym.

In the end I'm happy for the person who got the job, maybe they needed it more.

This is another LEGACY track, same dude who raps I'm nothing. I found it interesting that I posted I'm nothing when I was feeling good about myself and thought to listen to this track when I was feeling like shit earlier.