Ghetto Dreams

So today was my first official day as a phoenixian, which is my preferred choice of term for someone who resides in this town. The plan was to work on rating issues my new company has, stop by the office see how the build out was going, then head off to check some apartments out and gym. Didn't exactly pan out that way. The morning work was done, and I did stop by the office. I was debating to either show up in my usual attire (shorts, hiphop shirt, flip flops) or deal with the heat and wear pants and a collared shirt. I met myself halfway and decided to wear jeans with a collared shirt. I show up and see one of the owners in basketball shorts, nike shirt and hat, trying to pick away at some concrete. Turns out the owner wasnt joking when he said we would be building out the building.
I knew at this point I wouldnt just be hangin for a bit and then going about my day so I head to my car, where I still had most of my clothes packed, and throw on some shorts and the vlade shirt. The vlade shirt is important because it turns out one of the owners is a die hard Laker fan; so much he is disillusioned and thinks Kobe is better than Michael Jordan. To sum up quickly,  this means some ridiculous laker seats for me when I'm in town next season-whenever there is a next season- and for whoever is cool enough to hang out. He has decided that part of the parking lot will be turned into a basketball court, where he wants us to play after work. I let him know up front I wouldnt be pulling a mr. mom and let him win. I also let him know I was looking for a rec league to play in and he wants to play with me once I find one. So yeah him and me will be getting along just fine... The claims VP is a bulls fan fyi and so he wont be getting any tickets, haha.

Anyways, back to this build out. While I'm there, I was asked if I was handy. my reply was that there was a reason I was an underwriter and not out there building skyscrapers. Didn't seem to deter them from handing me a pair of gloves and pretty much layed it out I would be working. Cool, fine I'll move some boxes or some shit, haha, nope. Turns out there was some concrete foundation that needed to be jack hammered so a pipe could be layed. Except you see, only one of the guys that was there is really knowledgeable when it comes to construction. The jack hammer was brought in, and I watched as one of the owners, and the claims vp are having trouble keeping the drill bit from staying on the jack hammer. I see the issue and tell them while I'm no Bob the Builder (yes I did make that reference),  a certain part needs to be pushed down so that the drill bit stays. They ignore my initial input. I decide I need to just take the jack hammer and show them. I lower the part i was referring to and viola! I was obviously right. I mean we are talking about me and I am the smartest motherfucker you know. Like it or not its the truth. Ha but still, if I am the one figuring tools out that no one else can, well thats not a good sign for the construction project... Anyways, since I figured it out they decide I should just be the one to jack hammer the concrete. Now I dont know if you have ever operated a jack hammer, but its heavy, constantly has you vibrating and shaking, and really is loud. The jokes were constant as we ended up all taking turns working with it. The claims VP and one of the owners even wanted their picture taken as they were using it, I guess to verify to people they could handle such equipment. Anyways about the jokes; Just use your imagination a bit (if you have one) and realize the types of jokes. We also joked we were gonna quit insurance and start up a construction company instead... At the end of the day when we realized all we had done was make a hole in the ground,  we were discussing the fact whether it wasnt just better to have real construction workers come in and take over. Everyone there except for the Claims guy and me speaks Armenian, so another thing they  keep joking about is  that we need to purchase the Rosetta stone to learn what they are saying. The only thing I can get is that they are discussing about the lack of advancement we had in the build out process today; I figured that this should had been expected, seeing as none of us really know what we're doing except for one of the owner's friends. Guys, if sweet baby jesus wanted us to do construction, he would of given us the skill to use tools.  Ha and for all you gout fans, turns out the claims guy suffers from gout too and was trying to explain to one of the owners how painful it is and how one gets gout. The owner was not convinced, and flat out blamed the claims vp's weight as to the reason his ankle is in pain.. The owner was also the one who went and got all of us lunch. Everyone had agreed and wanted Sonic Burger since most of them had never had it. Everyone ordered a burger except for me. I asked Jerry if he could get me the chicken sandwich... That made him decide that everyone should have a chicken sandwich to be more healthy, and that instead of Sonic we should have Carl's jr., since he knows their chicken sandwiches are good. When he returned with that and announced he had made an executive decision, you could see rage in a couple of the guys' faces. I just laughed as Jerry kept talking up Carl Jrs. as if no one had ever eaten carls before and as if it was more than a just fast food place. The claims guy and me later  decide to call it a day and as we're heading out, he asks me if I drive a benz or bmw too- ha! I laughed and let him know I rock a galant with bad paint and cut out door panels. I then realized who owned the only other average vehicle in the parking lot. See the parking lot had  a brand new rover, a BMW 7 series, brand new hybrid Cadillac Escalade, and a Lexus. The only other cars there were my piece of shit and a Chevy truck. He seems to think I rock a galant out of choice, not realizing my ass wants to eventually get into an Acura TL...  Anyways, I'm calling it a night, my attempt at being Manny the Handy man has left me tired and given my precious delicates hands blisters.


Common and Nas- Ghetto Dreams; making Kanye and Jay-z really have to watch the throne with this one...

Beautiful Morning

Top of the morning to you! Me being up this early in the morning is a combination of a visit to the big foot last night,(where I introduced Carlos to the Sasquatch) which had me calling it a night early, the excitement of this afternoon's RTB cuz I am a hip hop dweeb, and the fact that recently, once i wake up, my mind goes nuts thinking of scenarios what with my upcoming redirection of my life. I also constantly think of something else, but that has no place for this blog here this morning...

What happened to me not drinking? Nothing, I went 9- 10 days without drinking, really never seriously considering or thinking about having a drink. It actually felt pretty good knowing I'm not to the leaving Las Vegas stage. Just with the recent events, of landing the job I coveted, and leaving a job that was daily increasing my anxiety, it was ok to celebrate with a pint or 2. Well, in Indio it was more than a pint, throw in some margaritas, crown, hot ass shots of tequila that were forced upon me by Carina's friend Kenisha, and the end result was me taking a spill and hurting the elbow. Overall though its been a really long ass time where I have woken up and needed to ask if I offended anyone-and that's been going on for most of my stay in LA. haha, Well except last weekend in Indio, but Wes quickly let me no, that it was a good time. Anyways, 10 days is a good start, i know i can build upon that and I will-in Phoenix. Gotta hop on the gym full time like last year around this time too- the move to phoenix excites me in this way of being able to concentrate fully on job and me. And having my own place again. Sure in the beginning my place will consist of nothing but a bed and computer, but I'll eventually graduate to having furniture like a normal household... Ooh and if everything pans out for me, I'll be residing close to the peak that started my hiking career-squaw peak. Teach that motherfucker a lesson for almost giving me a heart attack trying to climb it last year.

The scenario thoughts that go through my head once i wake up are really my mind just switching from excitement to heading to phoenix, to complete self doubt about if I am going in over my head with this position. I know its exactly the same position i was doing at anchor, but there's some asshole in my brain that likes to envision complete doom and failure. This guy meets up with the god complex having dude in my head and they go at it for a few hours until i decide its time to get out of bed and make some coffee. Usually god wins out. I think its actually kind of good to have some self doubt, for me it keeps me motivated to make sure i learn more and be able to justify my ideas. It also keeps you from looking like a cocky asshole or bitch. Anyways this morning I decided to give them the day off and write some bullshit up in here...

Yesterday I walked into my last day of work at the auto club hoping to just slide in and out without much fan fare. I walked into a banner that said "good luck roy!" Haha, the exact opposite of what i was hoping. But it was really appreciated- I worked with some good people during my time there and I wanna thank them again for the BBQ lunch they got for my last day there.  The exit interview I had however, haha pretty much laid it out to them why the morale is what it is, and just threw my two cents in as to how to maybe turn it around. I mentioned this to Puya I think last night, but the best was when she asked me- after I had stated one of the reasons i was leaving was salary- she asked;
" so what percentage of an increase salary wise did you get? 5, 10, 20, percent more?"
"Um... like 100 percent more..."
she made this gasp/choke sound as I kind of laughed. I debated not saying, but I couldnt help myself.

Well, Phil should be on his way up to LA this morning so we can go to rock the bells- It was initially gonna be 8 going, then that turned to 6, then to 4... oh well, Phil and me will represent. This will probably be my last Rock the Bells unless they get there set time scheduling act together and/or come up with an incredible lineup like a couple of years ago. anyways this is an ok event to replace the fact I wont be making the atmosphere show at the greek next friday- a show I seriously wish for anyone that claims they like going to shows would check out.  Phil also wants to hit up Roscoes Chicken and Waffles so thats where the two's adventures will start today...

Again I probably used this song before, maybe not though. anyways LBs. I was gonna go with the Karate Kid by Sean P, but you all aint ready for that Random Axe gem yet. Sean Price right now is holding the top spot on my list right now...

anyways enjoy your weekend, hope to see some of you tomorrow, phoenix on monday...

Always Coming Back Home To You

So the majority of you know by now that my time in LA is coming to an end. It was a brief 8 months here filled with good times, more struggles, more failures, more setbacks, but most of all, more experiences. In the end, I guess I got what I initially thought was the reason I made this move in the first place; a job specific to my very narrow skill of auto insurance underwriting. Sure its gonna take place in Phoenix, but had I not moved up here, this opportunity wouldn't have presented itself. I say that this is what I originally thought I came up here for- I had convinced myself this was the sole reason to move up here, to join the auto club kick ass there and move up- but as the months passed I found that that really wasn't the only reason. I'll just say it was a mixture of escapism and unrealistic expectation.

I just got back from San Diego yesterday and have up until now called it home. I guess in a sense it will always be home- it was where I was born and raised- but  unlike most people that go home, I have nothing really to go home to. Yeah my kids are there but its well established now that they have their own home, with my ex. Its not my home. I have family and friends I love there, but its getting to be that point in life when no matter how close you have been, friends have to do their own thing and you just can't expect them to drop everything when you roll into town. Also its just not the same I guess when you have to figure out where you'll be staying when you head home. I mean is that really home at that point?

Moms just moved back into our old hood and that isn't sitting right with me. That's all I'll say about that. Just glad this job came when it did so hopefully down the line I will be able to do something about that as well. Right now I am just glad that this job will have me making a significant contribution to my kids again. The least I could do, I mean my friends used to joke with me and try to have my kids call me by first name instead of dad, and this weekend I could sense just how close I was/am coming to that point. I hadnt seen them in over a month and when I saw them- and I guess one day when some of you have kids, you will get this- they looked so grown and old. I seriously felt like I had missed out on their entire lives, even though its really been only about 1 yr of it. a year still is too much. Basically what I'm fighting to avoid is to become that long distance dad that you only know of because he sends money. I gotta figure that out before its too late.  On a cool note though is that this job is gonna keep my streak of taking them to Disneyland every year. I have taken them every year since Danny was born- 11 years. that wasn't gonna happen with the AAA pay. But now, we have already planned to go during the holiday season- The nightmare before Christmas is one of our favorite movies and the haunted mansion at that time of year is the one ride we always make sure to hit up.

So back to home, where is it now? LA. This realization has everything to do with one guy-Wes. There is no combination of words, no exaggerated statement, no majestic prose, that will ever fully explain the gratitude I have. He probably won't like the fact I am bringing this up, but it needed to be written. He made LA my home. Not just by providing a roof and a room, but by making me feel welcome, never showing like I was intruding on his life, making sure I was included in the happenings of LA... He's like Dorothy Mantooth, haha.
Don't get me wrong I love me some SD and I do have a comfort level there I dont have up here, but as of now LA is home  and  so when I'm in Phoenix and say I'll be going home, it'll be to LA. Unless he changes the locks, haha.

As for the job, I still have a long way to go, but when my new boss said "Good luck to all of us-Lets go get rich!", it got me thinking of the possibilities... Heading to Phoenix to rise like the bird of its namesake hopefully... As for a last night out I was thinking of C & Os- heard so much about it I figure that would be a cool spot to go for anyone that wants to bid me farewell to meet up at for dinner and some vino...

Sunday Morning

Sometimes I look at this here site and go damn I wish I had time to write up something. Well due to my new found responsible way of drinking, I called it a night early last night and now I'm up bright and bushy tailed. On a Sunday. Sure Wednesday was a different story and 7 or 8 shots of bourbon later I found myself needing to get up off the couch and shower to go to work, but hey at least I made it. So where was the new found responsible way of drinking that night? Well actually that was the night it was created. Due to recent events-and only those really close in my circle nowadays know about it- I have decided its time. Spoke to Wes about it, and he gave me some encouragement, but I'm sure like mostly everyone else will, he received it with some skepticism. Shit I'll be honest I am skeptical myself, but this time unlike the other times I really want to give it a shot and see how long I can go. " I am skeptical" by the way was my dad's response to anyone who ever asked him to donate money for a cause. Just would calmly walk by them and say "I am skeptical" without so much as stopping. I found this to be a highly amusing asshole type of move. I can never get myself to do it myself, but it is highly entertaining to see someone else do it and see the reaction of the rejected person. It was my dad's birthday this week- its a day before my brothers. just thought I give him a shout out.

anyways back to my working at the auto club; you all know I love auto insurance and servicing it. You all have been around when I off on a tangent about it, your eyes glaze over and you slowly back away and leave me talking by myself. actually that happens on every subject I talk about. Actually not just any subject, pretty much every time I open my mouth as soon as attention can be diverted from me it is. Haha, its cool I'm used to it. this is why I write on this site. you always make the mistake of clicking on the link and feel compelled at that point to read it. Anyways back to what I was trying to get to. My job. Love the industry, pride myself at being able to service it well, hope every insured gets serviced well, but I hate the position I'm in. Not so much the job, or the slave like conditions my current company makes us do our job in, but the fact I am forced to interact socially with a new and complete stranger about every 7 minutes. I do it ok I guess, but like I was telling Carina the other day, I panic as soon as I hang up the phone and have to wait for another insured. Like seriously. Like to the point I want to go to the bathroom and hide. to the point that every morning as I am heading to work I drive by the 405 s on ramp and seriously contemplate taking it and going home. It wasnt until a few years ago I realized I had a huge social anxiety issue. It sometimes gets to the point my heart races so fast I swear I am about to have a heart attack. Its not so bad in a non work social setting but as anyone that hangs out regularly can clearly see-especially when I'm sober, I suck at this aspect in life. I have to have known you for 10 years or feel really really confident that you actually like me as a friend to get through that wall and be comfortable and actually speak clearly all the thoughts that go on in my head. Otherwise its a muddled, convulated, mostly dull, drivel that comes out. This is where the alcohol comes in, there is a certain point in the night where the alcohol level in my body is at an optimum and is perfect for calming me and still allows for clear thoughts. Except I always tend to quickly go past that point, where the thought process becomes diluted and I go back to saying retarded shit. Briefly this part was countered with another social "enhancer". I was saying the other night that when I was on it I would talk non stop and people (especially other girls on the same enhancer) would thoroughly enjoy my company. Well its been over a year since I have partook in that nonsense; I alluded to it the other day on an FB post with Atmosphere's shouda known. Which perfectly explains this current dry spell I am on. So there you go. while alcohol just loosens most people up to bring out their normal social behavior, it has been a required tool for me to pry mine out. If you are thinking to yourself "Roy even when drunk you're still dull," haha fuck you. Anyways just thought I share my struggle at work. This is why I always respect highly anyone that is in a call center environment and does their job well. which goes to the majority of you that work at the AG, and GCO. Which is why Ricky Williams is one of my favorite athletes. and which is why I am awake this god damn early on a sunday- I wanted to make sure I was well rested for my consulting job so that I give myself a real shot at gettin hired full time for the arizona company i am working for. I need the job not only for the money, pride of being able to say " I'm Back!" like Paul Newmann in The color of Money, but also to relieve myself of the daily anxiety attacks that come from my current job. I wish I was exaggerating that but I'm not. The thought of working tomorrow has me currently in a minor panic mode as I type this. My passion for underwriting didnt come from wanting to be the one to make decisions on policies, but from the peace of knowing you don't interact socially with alot of people in that position. There you all that read this know now....

So tonight I will have one last drink at trivia (anyone in the LA area is invited to help team dela ) hopefully for a while, drunkenly stumble to my room and sleep until i wake up and have to go to work.

Oh yeah I wrote a while ago that I would list the inspiration for some of my superbly incredibly average and medicore lyrics...

The whole series of the landlord and tenents was inspired equally by Brother Ali's "Shadows of the Sun" and Prince Paul's "A prince amongst thieves"- just the whole concept of a single project being a story
The one about Pops- Atmosphere's Yesterday
The one about my kids- Brother Ali's Faheem, Atmos' Little Man
The second verse of verses from my abstract- Elzhi's "Demons"
Limeade- Earl Sweatshirt (of ODD FUTURE)'s orange juice, LEGACY's I'm nothing
Gym torture- Sean Price's Suicide Doors
magic johnson- Atmosphere's Fashion Magazine./ J-live's MC

Enjoy your sunday. I'm off to shower and prep for my meeting

Blackstar - Respiration

Other than the fact she cancelled at the last second, I would say my first online date went well haha. I was tired from my hike and run in with the rattle snake anyways and at least I got to get home in time to get a full nights rest  before the morning's basketball game and saved some money for tomorrow's trivia action.

Hennesey's tavern was a nice spot to take in all the scenery however, which includes some of the wait staff. I  decided to be super responsible and make it a sober saturday, Those are a roy rarity- like Haley's comet. So I just thought I would mark it for you all to know it may not happen again in your lifetime... Wrote some shit to mark the 13yr anniversay of the song brothers by D and me, haha maybe this will also make it onto a cd....

Anyways, if you feel youre smart and can contribute feel free to cruise with. I'm off to calm kobe down from all the commotion happening on the street tonight and get some shut eye.

Respiration- came on in the car and thought I share.

A little Q and A with your Favorite Blogger.

 I decided that you all here might be too shy to ask me anything for fear that I would ignore your questions, so I decided to come up with some questions that I thought you all were dying to ask me but hadn't gotten the nerve to. Or it could be that I am extremely fucking bored while waiting for someone to get home so that we can continue our quest to rid america of zombies...

So which Roy De La Cruz are you? When I google your name to read up on your awesome life I get multiple hits including another roy de la cruz that blogs...


You can't really google me, so I'm assuming you're talking about the Filipino Roy De La Cruz who is actually a serious blogger and has multiple blogs going on at once. I dont take it that seriously. Coincidentally enough, he also pens lyrics from time to time though. Sadly though I also am not the Roy De La Cruz who was a college point guard. I have however in the past lied to ladies at bars and when they didnt believe me I have just told them to google it. he is 6'1" and my height is close enough...

Speaking of basketball, why do you bore us with your stat lines of your league games?
I'm really just trying to coax you into you thinking you're better than me and then challenging me to a game. Its a hustler like move so that when you do, I'll take your money and your pride.

Why is your room a mess?
Its not that its a mess- I just don't bother making my bed unless people are coming over-really its a waste of time i mean its just gonna get unmade the next night anyways... Other than that its really just the laundry I have done that I never get around to putting away. Dont get me wrong I love doing me some laundry- folding it even. But putting away the shit sucks. Same deal with washing dishes. I don't mind doing them but putting them away- I refuse. If you're ever at Wes' and notice the high rise of dishes in the dish rack, that was my precise placing of the dishes so that I don't have to put them away in the cupboards.

Did you know you're wearing two different color socks?
I'll be damned. Both look black to me.

Do you own any tee shirt that isnt a  hip hop group?
Of course! my Vlade Divac shirt to name one.

Speaking of Hip Hop why do you write lyrics?
because every rap fan is a wanna be rapper.

Some of your lines are alright even down right legendary- but why the fuck are they off beat/ non metered?
In my head they are on beat because I know what song I'm writing them to, from Suicide Doors by Sean Price, to DJ Premier, to 9th wonder beats. But really as long as you get the point from the lines, I don't care that they arent, its just that I havent read the book how to rap yet and dont really plan on making a career switch at this point in my life so...

Why are some so medicore?
because I dont sit here and write, re write, and continue to rewrite them. they are one and done from my head to the pen and thats it. The world wouldnt be able to handle it if I actually was motivated enough to finish something (see, putting away laundry, dishes...)

Who do you blatantly rip off for your concepts to those lyrics?
I take it you're not a golfer. Pretty much the groups I listen to, if you havent bothered listening to the songs I post up here, then you obviously wouldnt know. Like for instance, the whole series of the landlord and tenets was really taken from Brother Ali's Shadows of the Sun song. Read the lyrics and you'll see I borrowed a couple of lines, but other than that the rest I try to be as original with them as I can. One day I'll post a listing of what song inspired/was plagiarized to come up with the lyrics that have been posted on here- every one. I promise, but Wes just came in and its time to save america. so I'll do that another time

That landlord v tenets, were they written about specific people?
 Only one- Apartment C- and no it wasnt about me. I have a friend I have known since 5th grade who is going through a rough time. The rest may have been inspired from events during the time I wrote them, but they werent specific to people and some have obvious tones of my life but dont necessarily reflect it completely. fine fine I'll jot down a list of whoever inspired each song later but don't feel like doing it now.Obviously the one about the dog is about Kobe.

How is this interview going?


honestly I was gonna ask myself harder questions but forgot what they were cuz I am hungry.

you know people will think you are either crazy or full of yourself for having interviewed yourself, right?
yeah I'm a nerd, freak, schizophrenic like that. but thats why the 20 people that read this in the usa read this. I can only guess the people from europe and asia read this to practice their english...

Most Beautifullest Thing In This World

Its Father's day- A happy one to all my friends who are dads- Danny, Hugo, Bill, Jason, Stacey, Jake, Joel, Saadiq, Derrick, and to my uncle. To all my childless, barren, deprived of the joy of leaving a legacy, have a happy sunday too. Kids really are the most beautifullest things in the world and you too will one day feel that. I received a father's day card from my kids on Thursday which was a nice break from the other pieces of mail I have been receiving lately-haha, damn set backs. Anyways this is the first one I wont be having with my kids- I worked yesterday and wasnt able to make it down there this weekend. Its cool though because I will be down there next weekend. Chilis La Mesa is calling my name afterall... Today I think I will either get in a quick hike or run by the beach and then hit up my basketball game around 5. I myself have been playing some horrible ball- the other night I blew 4 easy put ins and even though I was fouled on all of them, I should have made them. my shot is also off although during warms up I hit everything. need to find a way to do that in games. The rebounding is still there obviously cuz I'm too awesome not to grab every board.... But then after that I guess just lounge at the ludus.

Beginning this week, I am gonna start hitting up the gym full time again- Ive been slacking- in preparation for Havasupai. Issam is making it out to be the most exhausting, terrifying hike ever, what with rodents, helicopter rescues, heat strokes, falling rocks, having to out play the devil on your favorite instrument, having to solve a riddle from the troll at the bridge, and needing to have whip skills like indiana jones in order to get to the campsite. Me? I'm not worried. The only thing I'm missing from my arsenal are them pants that convert into shorts with zippers. But still a little boot camp training me style will only make the hike go a little more smoother...

The type of job I have right now requires that you have people around your cubicle that make the day go by faster. Saadiq and Ivan are these types of cats. The other day I realized Saadiq and me were arguing over Hockey. Please note that this is a Mexican and Black guy arguing over HOCKEY.
" The throwing of octopus onto the ice is really only a Detroit thing dude"
______________________________________________________________
" I've been looking at this dude's billing and I'm about to hit him with the dreaded 'I don't know' hahahahahaha"
" Oh man haha not that! you cant make something up? Weave a confusing tale of the autoclub billing practices that confuses him to the point of giving up and just paying what the bill says?"
" hahaha tried that already and this man is no fool.- hold up"
Saadiq returns to his phone call and confused policyholder
" Thanks for holding sir, I looked at your billing and I gotta be honest- I DONT KNOW... yes sir what you  youre welcome I will look into this further and call you back. I promise."
Me to Saadiq
" Its alright Saadiq you did the best you could, you did the best you could. Shake that off, shake that off! there will be a tomorrow!"
_________________
" I'm coming up with a top ten list of ice cube hits that werent singles."
" 'My Summer Vacation?'"
"hahha you know it- what you know about 'My Summer Vacation'!"- Saadiq's response to every hip hop rap group or song I know that he doesnt think I should know.
 Man I rocked some Ice Cube before he turned soft and went all hollywood. actually lethal injection. that was the last thing i ever purchased from him... Too Short, BDP, NWA, Geto Boys- man that was my childhood-then I heard bonita applebum, check the rhyme, the choice is yours, and my west coast love went on hiatus...

" What you know about the Low End Theory?"
"haha I know regardless what music you listen to from punk to rap to classical, to mexican ranchero music, you better have that in your top ten albums of all time."


Keith Murray- The Most Beautifullest thing in this world. I'm off to start this Sunday.